Relapse of the Hack Comic Slayer

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There’s not really any commentary that can go with this cartoon. I couldn’t come up with anything original and funny, so I used the Hack Comic Slayer again. Since Ruben Bolling reused Zan-tarr just a month after he was introduced, you should excuse a peon like myself for bringing a character back from the dead.

There’s no excuse for telling the same joke over and over again, but I think with each Hack Comic Slayer strip, at least the joke gets more polished. Or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself.

Whether I had ideas or not, I’d probably use this character until the end of time. I hate shitty stand-up comics and they make me cry. This premise is a clearing house for my hack comic rage.

Now you’re probably asking, “But who are you to belittle successful comics? You’re not even a stand-up comic. You’re a cartoonist! They’re lower than ventriloquists!” First, fuck you. And second, I am also a ventriloquist. (or was before I developed the proper levels of shame that keep normal people away from the profession)

I know I’m not the funniest baby in the dumpster at the prom, but you don’t have to be a gastroenterologist to recognize anal leakage. I love good jokes. When these shitty assholes pass themselves off as professional jokesters, it ruins my already bleak and depressing days.

Ethnic humor can be funny, when it’s not just talking in accents or “white people this, other people that.” Ethnic humor is especially funny when it’s about wops.

Dennis Miller hasn’t said a funny word since he became a shill, but I’ll admit that the cabbie joke is not his. It’s one of those old dumb jokes that might’ve been funny once upon a time, but it’s been beaten into the ground and mashed into an unfunny pulp.

I’m not denouncing everyone who uses guitars or music parody in their act. But when it’s the entire act and it just involves sticking randy punchlines into bland songs, that is hacky. Demetri Martin uses a guitar in part of his act, and I think he’s funny as hell.

Before any psychoanalysts out there mention that the Hack Comic Slayer might be a manifestation of my jealously, I’ll say this: No shit. I’m very full of myself and think I’m funnier than these shitheads, and I’m pissed that I’m not making anywhere near as much money as they are.

I believe this is the third time I’ve mentioned that Leno sucks in this comic strip. Bush can be voted out of office, but that asshole will be polluting my pre-Conan viewing until I’m well into my thirties.