This week’s cartoon was inspired by this summary of all the TV pilots that are in production. I may appear to be really interested in politics and the fate of the nation, but television programming is my true passion. If I had any idea how to get my foot in the door, I would gladly quit this thankless cartooning gig for one in comedy writing. I’m even willing to write shitty jokes for According to Jim, although I’d get fired right away for putting too many polysyllabic words that would consternate the inferior Belushi. Now on to the long-winded analysis.
“Mobius Sitcom” is all about television’s creative geniuses penchant for cannibalizing ideas from overseas. Not just American TV executives, the same lack of innovation is the same with all countries. It directly led to last Fall’s Coupling fiasco. It was a British version of Friends, and ended up being successful over there, so an American version of it was made. It failed. I’d say because the quality was shitty, but quality has nothing to do with a show’s success. Friends was a lame show, and was only so successful because everyone is stupid. To clarify, I’m aware that Wetten Dass was not based on The Young Ones, which was not based on ALF. I just thought they were each iconic enough of their respective countries.
“Lords of Ontario” and “The Double-Wide” are dumb jokes. You’re lucky I remembered the Geddy Lee gag. Otherwise you’d be stuck with a joke about the Coreys. I’m a fucking hack.
“Galactic Princess” is no more cruel than The Swan. I’m willing to argue that it’s a nicer concept, because it wouldn’t try to change uglies into real people. I don’t like The Swan, but I love MTV’s I Want A Famous Face. Those retarded kids make me so happy.
“Adoption Ninja” is the next inevitable phase in programming following Barbara Walters’ Baby Give-Away. It would have all the unwanted baby charm of the eighties classic, Baby Boom, with the added suspense of a ninja hiding babies in peoples’ homes.
The decline in journalism correlates perfectly with the increase in news programs’ fascination with missing white girls. Maybe I’m just a callous fuck, but I don’t give a shit if some co-ed hasn’t called her parents in two weeks. Case in point: A college couple went on vacation, but didn’t tell their nosy parents, because they weren’t five years old. Parents freak out and create a media shit storm, at least here in Mass, where the girl was from. But it’s not really the media’s fault, if you forgive them for being ratings hungry whores. The fault lies with the viewers. Those mouth breathing bastards would rather watch five hours of Dateline devoted to Missing White Girls than watch an episode of Frontline showing them what a loon their president is.
Grammar Police: I’m aware missingness is not a word. I’m probably completely wrong, but I find it to be a lot funnier than the word absence.
I originally wrote a scene about scientists developing the next generation of sexual euphemisms. It was a one note joke, so I stuck it in this strip and made fun of those Monster Garage type shows which have become so ubiquitous lately. As far as I know, “Hydraulic Mustache,” “Peanut Butter Tailpipe,” and “Flim Flam Gutter Ball Bingo” are all nonsense. I welcome any effort by you, dear readers who’ve read this way too long commentary of a sub-par comic, to get those phrases into the popular euphemism lexicon. Kind of like how Santorum came into existence.
Lastly, Aaron Spelling is not dead, he’s most likely undead.