A Melange of Uselessness

I’m incredibly busy for the next ten days and blogging is first on my list of things I can cut from my time consuming dicking around regime. To hold you over, I’m stuffing one last post with a bunch of unrelated stuff to create the illusion of substance.

Following their mediocre June, I opted to ignore the Red Sox until I saw them in Chicago last month. They’ve apparently decided to move their August-September swoon up a couple of months, or maybe the Red Sox and Yankees both touched an enchanted skull and switched personalities mid-season.

Obviously, the Yankees are still leading the division and are likely to win, especially if their already easy remaining schedule has a couple of forfeits thrown in. The Red Sox only hope is to have the injured Kevin Brown remain in the Yankee clubhouse and give Mussina a season-ending purple nurple with his good hand following a loss.

Don’t mistake my defeatism for belief in a curse. I’m just psychologically preparing myself for the inevitable. If it’s curses you like, I have a new one for you: The Curse of the Giggling Moron. A film called Fever Pitch was filming during a game at Fenway last weekend. The Boston Globe article and IMDB are conflicting in the directing and screenplay credits, but Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon are definitely appearing in it. The NESN broadcast kept cutting to them during the game. Any harm that happens to the Red Sox post-season chances can be blamed on Fallon, who’s already responsible for causing my chronic case of misanthropy.

Speaking of giggling morons, am I the only one who finds KY’s recent advertising blitz hilarious? Every time one of those commercials comes on, I laugh out loud. It has something to do with imagining the Docker-clad male actor trying to convince the sweater-around-the-neck lady actor that a spicy lube is all she needs to make a trip to the no-no hole an enjoyable romp. I realize there are other less hilarious uses for personal lubricants, but I am thirteen years old.

Old Timey Police Blotter. Before it was part of Boston, JP had its own police department, and thanks to someone, a few choice excerpts are available for your enjoyment. My favorite is this weekend bender by Duffy and son:

Sept. 14th – Town all quiet during the night. Duffy still drunk & his son not sober.

Sept. 15th – Town all quiet during the night. Duffy still drunk.

Sept. 16th – Town all quiet during the night. Duffy still drunk.

(Via Boston Common)

All signs are pointing to no new cartoon Friday, September 17th. You will get through it. Make sure you have a week’s worth of drinking water for everyone in your household and a platter of delicious sandwiches. I recommend Ruebens, but grilled cheese will also get you through this crisis.