BFW Investigative Reports

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I hope last week’s break didn’t bother anyone too much. It took me a while to get back in the swing of things, and this is all I could slap together at the last minute. I’m not even sure what my point is supposed to be.

It’s obviously a take on the CBS memo controversy that was this month’s swift boat non-story. CBS screwed up and used documents they couldn’t verify. The nitpicking of all the minutiae of typewriters and word processors got so unbearable that I swore off the political blogs and just read the real news, which treated the story more like the marginal item it was.

Bush still hasn’t accounted for his missing year in TANG. They just keep repeating that he got an honorable discharge. That’s not really proof. Anyway, the story is boring and Bush can be easily discredited by all the shit he’s pulled in my lifetime.

I didn’t even want to do a cartoon about it. But I am lazy and fake presidential doodles were an easy out for me. Before some crack journalist with a blog gets on the case, I admit that those doodles are fakes.

People often shrug off criticism of environmental policies, and filthy hippies are to blame for that. I do not care about the feelings of cows or the emotional impact of fishing on the fish. But mercury in the fish has made large predatory species inedible and created lots of kids with behavior problems. Reducing the number of annoying children with ADD running around unfettered in restaurants is an environmental issue even the staunchest global warming denier can get behind.

Except for Yucca mountain, the doodles are about the environmental issues I think any sane person should care about. Only self-absorbed douchebags feel they have the right to tool around Yellowstone on whatever toy they wasted their money on.

With the advancements in penile technology I read about in my inbox every day, gas guzzling monstrosities should become a thing of the past to all but the biggest of tiny-dicked assholes. If I saw it just a day later, the Optimus Prime parody would’ve made even more sense thanks to this ridiculous contraption.

As for Yucca mountain, I live on the east coast and I am perfectly comfortable with all our shit getting sent out there. Sorry Nevada, but that’s what you get for having half of this year’s new TV shows set in Las Vegas. Fate is a harsh critic of derivative television.