I Screwed Up

Not that it was the most popular destination in the world, but in performing a critical update of the forum, I managed to erase the whole damn thing. The backup will be restored by tomorrow.

UPDATE: It’s fixed. The technically inclined may want to check out the newest thread about a new feature of bigfatwhale.com that I’m trying out.

BFW’s Awful Inerds

If you’re curious what a BFW strip looks like before I bedazzle it in Photoshop, check out Eric Agena’s comprehensive original comic strip and webcomic art collection at www.comicstripfan.com.

The Big Fat Whale page is here, but it’s the rest of site featuring art from people who can actually draw that makes the site worth checking out.

Thanks Eric!

Child Care and Parenting Guide

click for comic

It should be obvious from this cartoon that I don’t have kids. And if I did, I promise I’d spare you the inevitable “Ooh Tiberias T. McFadden made a poo that was as cute as the dickens!” trap a lot of cartoonists and comedians fall into once they crap out a kid. As Dr. Spock said, kids are only funny if they’re swearing or parroting their parents’ racist hate speech.

In hindsight, I should’ve made the neglected child’s filth splotchy. They way I drew it makes it look someone played a cruel suntan lotion trick on him. I doubt any morons are reading this, but in case it needs to be said, child abuse is not funny. Writing on abused children however, is hilarious.

It’s been written a million times and much better than I ever could, so I’ll be brief. Parents and the FCC spending all their time making sure everything that gets sent over the airwaves is appropriate for children infringes on my right as an asshole to hear and see any offensive thing I wish. It’s their job as parents to keep that stuff away from them, if they choose too. And that new-fangled clickity clack remote operated channel changing machine should help them do this. Saying you’re not around to watch your kid all the time is lame. The networks shouldn’t have to compensate for you not being there. The lack of a living wage and affordable child care is more to blame for people using the TV as a babysitter in the first place.

That stuff’s not even that important. I’m still not convinced television indecency has any negative effect on children. Advertising geared toward children is different and should be regulated, like in that crazy affordable prescription medicine hedonist paradise to the north. As long as the parents provide the proper context and explain why things aren’t appropriate, kids should be fine, unless they are retards.

I grew up watching HBO, Cinemax, and anything I wanted and haven’t turned into a pill-popping pole dancer. I also watched ABC’s awful TGIF lineup for nearly five years and didn’t turn into an unfunny platitude-spouting turd. So I doubt my TV habits played any significant role in my development. Books however, fucked my shit up and made me a godless atheist with no respect for authority. By all means, keep your kids away from books, except for ones like this.

Damn, that was too long. The cartoon duo I reference is Davey and Goliath, a religious cartoon that I’d catch every once in a while on the local Catholic TV station. I know I’m using the word in an inappropriate manner, but I think everyone can admit that Davey and Goliath is a pretty gay show, to use the parlance of 19-year-old Slipknot fans.

The rest of the jokes are standard bathroom humor, pee, mullets, impotence, and the alarming rate of hyperthermia deaths among children left in sweltering cars. And for the curious, those are my actual SAT scores. I fucking nailed the pissing section.

The Greatest Game Ever

Diarrhea Dan was an early British computer game based on one of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s lost works. This and another amazing bits of knowledge can be found on Series 2 of Look Around You. Its format is completely different from the equally awesome first series, but just as funny and includes that lady whose name I’m too lazy to look up from Peep Show and the douchebag guy from Spaced.

I live in a country where I don’t have to pay a fee to own a TV (USA! USA! USA! We’re number one!), so I’m only able to catch this show thanks to UKNova, an excellent torrent tracker for UK programs.

Instead of a hacky joke about awful teeth, here’s some less mean-spirited tooth-related news: My wisdom teeth are out and I am in no pain, except a dull longing for anything that is not soup or Jello. I also have a bunch of unused vicodin that I plan on selling to local junkies.