Phuck Pharmacists Right in Their Shit Holes

Who knew pharmacists were such drama queens? It seems every couple of weeks, they make a big stink about some form of contraception. Having doodled about the subject twice already, I can no longer keep up.

Envious of the attention their pious colleagues in the Midwest have received, some Massachusetts pharmacists have made self-righteous proclamations that they won’t distribute Plan-B, which is about to become over-the-counter in this fair state.

I’ve said it a million times, a fertilized egg is not a person. It’s a potential person, and left to its own devices in a woman’s naughty parts, has maybe a 60% chance of attaching to a uterus and becoming a full-fledged fetus. That’s an extremely generous estimate, but ladies are welcome to let me poke around their undercarriages to find more concrete numbers for me to cite.

A starving or sick infant has a 100% chance of becoming a person. (Science Hint: It already is a person, even if it is brown.) Let’s focus on helping all of them reach adulthood before we all shit our pants over the abstract concept of a 60% chance of a pregnancy occurring. Even if the egg becomes a pregnancy and doesn’t miscarry, I’m still not convinced that every life is precious.

I have no idea why this is the one issue that seems to piss me off the most out of the veritable cornucopia of grievances I have. Contrary to the ideas suggested in this documentary, I lack the anatomical parts that require emergency contraception.

I suppose it’s the uncritical thinking these pharmacists display. My elitist ass expect Ma and Pa Shit-For-Brains to not get the point, but I still expect pharmacists, med school drop-outs they may be, to grasp the idea that something that might exist in the future doesn’t also exist in the present. Time machines aren’t real, although time traveler conventions are.

In other “Why are these assholes so obsessed with theoretical life?!” news, Massachusetts rocks the Kasbah yet again and is preparing to allow stem cell research. Hopefully this will finally lead to a cure for cognitive dystrophy, which is believed to affect nearly 51% of our population.