Fear not wonks. I haven’t completely abandoned the unfunny world of punditry. I’ll be shoving a verbose and tedious political comic down your throats this week. Until then, here are some retractions of my previously held opinions.
After repeated viewings, Comedy Central’s Hollow Men has started to grow on me and I no longer think it’s an unfunny shit stain. While it’s certainly no Mr. Show or Kids in the Hall, it has its own unique comic sensibility and takes chances, something the current crop of TV sketch comedy is afraid to do. With a new season of Reno 911 (now with Pee Wee!), Back to Norm (premeires tonight), and Stella (ask nicely and I’ll show you the kickass pilot) on the way, and maybe Chapelle’s Show if it ever starts up production again, CC just might become a channel I don’t have to quickly leave after The Daily Show to avoid MadTV or Blue Collar Comedy.
Not a retraction, but comedy nerds might like to know that finally, after dozens of trips to Gainesville and other places I live far away from, funny comedians will be visiting my surly and elitist part of the globe. While nothing’s official, Maria Bamford‘s calendar page implies the Comedians of Comedy tour will be playing the Paradise Aug 3. I assume Patton Oswalt and Brian Posehn will be there too, and I can only hope that Zach Galifianakis is also on the bill.
When it first came out, I told people I didn’t like the Transplants first album. Maybe it was their catchy riffs or that song that became a Fructis jingle, but I now listen to that CD all the time. They have a new one coming out at the end of next month. Does this mean that I also like Blink-182, whose drummer is also the drummer for the Transplants? Of course not. Don’t be retarded.
It took me ten years, but I finally appreciate the value of a nicely hemmed pair of pants. If this trend keeps up, I just might start having my hair cut more than just twice a year.
Sorry fatties. I still think you are weak-willed and lazy.
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I have no explanation for this week’s comic. I saw a guy at the supermarket (whilst buying a box of peanut brittle and ribbon candy) who was holding his grocery bags like Moses and the image wouldn’t leave my little heathen brain.
And thanks to nearly perpetual rain, clammy cold, and gray skies since I returned from the sunny south, I lacked the inspiration to come up with anything more involved than this single panel. In fact, my creative mojo is so delicate that a single off-putting cirrus cloud could undermine an otherwise perfect punchline.
Due to the dreary weather and the Sox’ dreadful performance of late, I just couldn’t handle digging through the festering depths of the fillibuster debate or any political news this week. And by news I mean anything different than the “Oh my god! Right wackos are fucking us again!” variety.
This comic is not a statement about religion or placement of the ten commandments in schools and courthouses. I was not clever enough to convey my opinions on the matter in a humorous way. Instead, I present a boring series of paragraphs:
Careful analysis of the ten commandments by a Law & Order fan such as myself will reveal that only three (don’t kill, don’t steal, and three if “bear false witness against thy neighbor” is interpretted as perjury) show up in law. All the rest are either nice manners (honor your parents, don’t ogle your neighbor’s shit) or completely ridiculous rules given by a narcissitic magic man who lives in a bush.
Any of the commandments worth following don’t need to be handed down by a higher power. I don’t believe in any of that crap, yet somehow I am aware that killing people and stealing their stuff is a pretty dickish thing to do. I also don’t fear an eternity with a half-goat/half-man poking me with a pitchfork either to keep my behavior in check. I don’t go on killing sprees because of common sense. Also, because I am a pussy.
“Don’t be an Asshole” is as worthy a creed to live by as “forgive those who trespass against you.” Too bad for me I can’t even live by the one commandment I just made up.
I finally got around to doing something with the added bandwidth my server gave me a couple months ago. I just found this handy little script that lets you offer audio content on your website.
I’m still playing with it, but if you’re curious what music I was listening to while making this week’s cartoon, click this link. (You’ll need Flash and a decent internet connection) Just click on any song to start.
I’ll add a button on the sidebar for it and try to update it fairly frequently with music I like that’s getting the short shrift from Clear Channel. At least until my bandwidth tops out or the RIAA punches me in the face.
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This is the last of the three comics I slapped together before I left. I was going to do a less polished, BFW Quickie version, but managed to have enough time when I got back to make a more regular looking comic, with some shortcuts.
Pharmaceutical companies already advertise to people who are wholly unqualified to make informed medical decisions. They might as well drop all pretenses of informing the public and start advertising to children, America’s dumbest consumers. Maybe they already are, that Zoloft egg thing certainly isn’t appealing to any depressed adult.
With the time constraints I had, there are lots of things I’d like to change about this cartoon. The setup is clunky and I think it would’ve been funnier to show one of these ads geared toward children. I’m still on the fence as to whether or not the inferred molestation ad is funny or too subtle for anyone who didn’t write the joke.
And before I get letters, I realize that “Uncle Tentacles” could have featured a cameo from BFW’s character driven past. I thought the molesting squid’s head was too phallic and would turn a good clean molestation joke into something in poor taste.
Arrested Development has been renewed! In spite of the network’s record of canceling worthy shows and giving its timeslot to Seth MacFarlane’s hack factory, Fox’s new president announced the show has been picked up for a third season. If your still not watching the show, buy the season one DVDs and wait patiently for Fox to rebroadcast episodes at random and inconvenient times during the summer. If you don’t want to subject yourself to promos for shit like Stacked, season two will probably come out on DVD sometime during the MLB playoffs.
While this is good news for the world at large, you are probably asking yourself, “But how does this affect Brian McFadden?” Well my creepy stalker friend, it means that my favorite show still exists and that my lame spec script will still be relevant for at least another year.
In other news, gay marriage in Massachusetts turned one yesterday. The trains still run on time, the water supply hasn’t been tainted, and not a single god-fearing asshole’s head exploded. Two out of three ain’t bad, so it looks like it’s here to stay. The prospects for a proposed ballot initiative against gay marriage in 2008 look dim, as most of the country, including the retarded portion, are warming up to the idea that butting into other people’s lives is so 2004.
On a personal bit of good news, as I was buying a new pair of jeans (Boys 16 Husky), I noticed my local mall has a Popeye’s.
I’m back. I hope you figured out that I posted two weeks worth of cartoons before I left. If not, go to the archives, you dummy. I have to pound out another cartoon today, my first day back in dank and clammy New England, so this is just slapped together at the last minute. Please visit your local travel agent for a more thorough travelogue.
First, I’d like to thank Allison and Dan for letting us crash at their place for three days, showing us around Memphis, and putting up with my endless bitching and moaning about the heat. (To be fair, it was in the nineties and complaining is the only thing I’m good at, besides ventriloquism.)
Continue reading Road Trip Recap
Sorry for the lack of updates; it’s a pain to write on my phone. I’m in Tennessee. I camped in Virginia last night and got an awful case of the shits. I’ll post a more coherent update once I get back. Check the sidebar for photos until then.
Just a quick note to those of you in the Boston area before I head out. If you’re looking for something to do next Thursday night (the 12th), swing by the Cantab in Central Square. The show starts at 8. Click here for more info.
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Here’s next week’s hastily thrown together cartoon. It’s basically just a variant of the Book Bin, except I made up shitty products instead of titles.
The Decrustinizer is just this monstrosity with teeth. While I appreciate that the elderly and infirm might have a tough time opening jars, it shouldn’t take a device the size of a lawnmower to help them out.
I am so late to the magnetic ribbon backlash party that I’m pretty sure the feeding tube ribbon joke would count as an ironic reference if people weren’t still driving around with those stupid things. And to state the obvious, they’re stupid because putting one on your car is an empty gesture, not because they say “Support the Troops.”
With the exception of a few worthless hippies, everyone supports the troops. Some of those who do are trying to get them more armor and hold those who sent them into war without an exit strategy accountable. Others put a ribbon on their car for everyone in the drive-thru to enjoy.
In hindsight, I shouldn’t have made Dick’s Nipple Cream pink. It’s just supposed to be cream you put on your nipples, it doesn’t turn them into amorphous blobs. The guy should also be giving the “thumbs up” in the after photo to further illustrate the joy of having one’s nipples soaked in cream.
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As I mentioned in the last post, I was pressed for time this week and had to write three comics in the amount of time it usually takes to write one. Naturally, throwing a Book comic in there made my job a lot easier.
I decided to upgrade the status of the Book Bin to Book Shelf because although half-assed, this is the 200th BFW comic. The majority of you who’ve only been reading the comic for a couple of months might be interested in seeing the first BFW comic, a piece of crap that is so awful, it makes my more recent pieces of crap look like masterpieces.
The piece of paper in the title panel reads, “Someone peed in the bin.”
I’ll be posting next week’s update tomorrow morning since I’ll be out of town for the week. Check the blog for posts from the road.