Not Seen On TV

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Here’s next week’s hastily thrown together cartoon. It’s basically just a variant of the Book Bin, except I made up shitty products instead of titles.

The Decrustinizer is just this monstrosity with teeth. While I appreciate that the elderly and infirm might have a tough time opening jars, it shouldn’t take a device the size of a lawnmower to help them out.

I am so late to the magnetic ribbon backlash party that I’m pretty sure the feeding tube ribbon joke would count as an ironic reference if people weren’t still driving around with those stupid things. And to state the obvious, they’re stupid because putting one on your car is an empty gesture, not because they say “Support the Troops.”

With the exception of a few worthless hippies, everyone supports the troops. Some of those who do are trying to get them more armor and hold those who sent them into war without an exit strategy accountable. Others put a ribbon on their car for everyone in the drive-thru to enjoy.

In hindsight, I shouldn’t have made Dick’s Nipple Cream pink. It’s just supposed to be cream you put on your nipples, it doesn’t turn them into amorphous blobs. The guy should also be giving the “thumbs up” in the after photo to further illustrate the joy of having one’s nipples soaked in cream.