Atheism’s One Commandment


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I have no explanation for this week’s comic. I saw a guy at the supermarket (whilst buying a box of peanut brittle and ribbon candy) who was holding his grocery bags like Moses and the image wouldn’t leave my little heathen brain.

And thanks to nearly perpetual rain, clammy cold, and gray skies since I returned from the sunny south, I lacked the inspiration to come up with anything more involved than this single panel. In fact, my creative mojo is so delicate that a single off-putting cirrus cloud could undermine an otherwise perfect punchline.

Due to the dreary weather and the Sox’ dreadful performance of late, I just couldn’t handle digging through the festering depths of the fillibuster debate or any political news this week. And by news I mean anything different than the “Oh my god! Right wackos are fucking us again!” variety.

This comic is not a statement about religion or placement of the ten commandments in schools and courthouses. I was not clever enough to convey my opinions on the matter in a humorous way. Instead, I present a boring series of paragraphs:

Careful analysis of the ten commandments by a Law & Order fan such as myself will reveal that only three (don’t kill, don’t steal, and three if “bear false witness against thy neighbor” is interpretted as perjury) show up in law. All the rest are either nice manners (honor your parents, don’t ogle your neighbor’s shit) or completely ridiculous rules given by a narcissitic magic man who lives in a bush.

Any of the commandments worth following don’t need to be handed down by a higher power. I don’t believe in any of that crap, yet somehow I am aware that killing people and stealing their stuff is a pretty dickish thing to do. I also don’t fear an eternity with a half-goat/half-man poking me with a pitchfork either to keep my behavior in check. I don’t go on killing sprees because of common sense. Also, because I am a pussy.

“Don’t be an Asshole” is as worthy a creed to live by as “forgive those who trespass against you.” Too bad for me I can’t even live by the one commandment I just made up.

2 thoughts on “Atheism’s One Commandment”

  1. When it comes down to it they really do amount to that one, the ten commandments. I think I heard that in a standup routine once in fact. Sorry to burst your bubble of originality…

    Still it’s worth living by. Now if only Dobson et al would get it.

  2. I figured this sentiment has been said before. As long as that comic didn’t include grocery bag commandments as well, I can sleep at night, and have nightmares about Dobson and Spongebob.

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