Dwayne Fontaine

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First I’d like to apologize to the readers in Cleveland for sending out a half-finished version of this comic. I could’ve spent the holiday weekend finishing the background and adding the shading, but instead I chose to drink beer and watch a demolition derby. Anyone who has a problem with that is a filthy commie.

I hope this is an obvious parody of the courtship of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, which most reasonable people believe was instigated by a publicist’s evil mind to raise awareness for “Batman Begins” and “War of the Worlds.” I also included a jab at Scientology, but not because it’s a crazy religion. All religions contain ridiculous dogma no one should believe. Scientology’s crime was creating “Battlefield Earth,” a very shitty movie.

I also intended to make fun of Live 8’s mission statement of raising awareness. Starving Africans find awareness to be just as delicious as a hot steamy bowl of nothing. And I’m sure the uninformed morons who weren’t aware of African poverty before the concerts don’t appreciate some rich ass celebrity preaching about sacrifice.

I have never been to LA, so my apologies if this comic completely misrepresents the majestic publicists who roam southern California’s vast open prairies. My understanding of LA geography is limited to episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Arrested Development. Everyone knows Malibu is a very exclusive enclave, but I picked Irvine randomly off the map, sorry if it doesn’t make sense.

In BFW news, I’m considering having t-shirts made. I’ll post the graphic over the weekend to gauge interest. If there’s enough, they’ll get made. If not, I will cry like a baby who just crapped its pants and wasted hours with Photoshop.