The Free Speech Institute

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I was going to write a lengthy commentary for this, but I’m short on time. I am incredibly conflicted when it comes to protests and could’ve used a few hundred words to explain my Kerry-esque nuanced position, but a couple glib paragraphs will have to do.

I’m obviously a big free speech advocate. And with the exception of Fred Phelps and the Potential Baby Brigade, I almost always agree with the cause of the protestors. However, I hate hippies, and this is where my conflict lies.

Almost all protests devolve into some sort of circus of the retarded, with a bunch of well-intentioned, but painfully obnoxious folks who appear to be more concerned with having a good time than convincing others that theirs is a worthy cause. I have no data to back this up, but I’m fairly certain that all the protests that ever got anything done were dignified affairs that made it difficult for the participants to be marginalized. The Civil Rights movement and Cesar Chavez’ march come to mind, but I’m sure there are others.

The model for protests should not be the anti-war movement of the sixties. In case you forgot, it didn’t do shit. Public opinion turned on the Vietnam War in spite of the hippies, not because of them.

The media is already slanted towards the interests of its owners. Don’t make it easier for them to marginalize you by acting like a moron. And pretty please, with whole grain granola on top, no more fucking puppets. I know your parents paid a lot of money for art school and you have nothing else to show for it, but it’s really not helping.

And if you insist on being a dink in DC this weekend, you can swing by SPX, and organize a sit-in around my table, V-55. Everyone else can go to the Big Fat Store starting Monday.