Mass. Monster Madness

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Halloween is one of the few holidays that even an atheist like myself can get excited about. I’ve loved monster movies since as long as I can remember, especially B-movie crap like the awful Basket Case and Puppet Master series. The entire premise of this cartoon is just an excuse to draw monsters.

I really have no problem with Salem, MA. Sure it’s tacky, and their town logo makes light of the mass hysteria that gripped the town, but that was 300 years ago. Anyone who’d be offended is long dead. Plus the wax museum is hilarious and they even have their own Beer Works. In fact, I love Salem so much, I was just there 18 years ago.

My one problem with Salem is the modern day witches who treat it like some sort of Mecca. What a bunch of morons. The reason the witch trials were such a scandal is because no one was actually a witch. If you think some die-hard Puritan Christian would move to what was then the edge of the world because of their faith, then suddenly become some Gaia-worshipping Wiccan, no wonder you think Ouija boards work.

Don’t forget to buy things, it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford bags of fun size candy.