Utz You!

After decades of being held back by Wise and Cape Cod potato chips, Utz has finally made it to the cold and barren hinterlands where I live. This is the most important thing that has ever happened to me since I found a case of Mr. Pibb at a Stop & Shop.

Why do I like Utz? Old Bay seasoning and my creepy fascination with round-headed corporate mascots from the twenties are the primary reasons.

In other news, I’ve been zinged and zanged by some ladies and/or Ladymen because of this cartoon. As the Larry Summers controversy fades away, that comic might need a disclaimer explaining who he is and why I’m not an asshole.

12 thoughts on “Utz You!”

  1. wow. that is fucking spectacular. Lucky for you they didn’t mention that you lack hygiene in addition to your lack of wit. you are a pig in every sense of the word…..

  2. I always thought both cartoons were funny. And my mom works for NOW…seriously, some people need to get a life and/or sense of humor

  3. I only pointed it out because I never get actual hatemail, and I thought the insults were funny.

    Meaty, only people who actually know me are aware of my lack of hygeine.

    I don’t think anyone had a problem with the Ladyman comic, if they even saw it. I never got any mail about it anyway.

  4. Utz Hard Pretzels are my favorite food.

    Did you know they are individually twisted? The care that goes into their creation…

  5. Individually twisted by people or some crazy machine? If it’s by people, that’s insane. I remember going on some pretzel tour in PA when I was even more wee than I am today, but can’t remember if it was Utz. It was fascinating nonetheless.

  6. This has little to do with the rambling before although UTZ Salt and Pepper chips are the best snack food on the planet. Some of you have probably have seen it but those that haven’t should check out the Honda Cog Video. http://194.29.64.17/thecog/movie.html.
    You can probably find a better vision but it is insanely cool.

  7. I was bored so I did some research;

    For example, Utz recently invested in new mechanical twisting machines, a process that dates back to 1940s. In doing so, the company has structured one line so that it can change over from extruded to mechanically twisted in minutes.

    “The difference between extruded hard pretzels and individually twisted is night and day,” Schmoldt says.

    “There’s less stress and pressure put on the dough in forming that particular process (mechanically twisted).”

    Twisting, nevertheless, doesn’t compare with extrusion in efficiency, he points out. “With extruded pretzels, you can produce between 1,000-1,200 lbs./hr. compared to twisting machines that put out between 600-625 lbs./hr.

    While it doesn’t make it cheaper, you making a unique quality item.”

  8. Yeah Old Bay. A perfect compliment to the resurgence of Baltimore Nostalgia I’ve been feeling of late, thanks to these guys… http://www.theavettbrothers.com/ though they may be too southern bluegrass to really do much for Y’All, they have a buch of songs about Maryland.

    Man, the contemplation of stress tensors in mechanically twisted pretzel dough is blowing my drunk mind.

  9. Thanks for the info Craig. It shows a thirst for useless snack knowledge that doesn’t exist in Matt’s cold black heart.

    Some people (hippies, the misinformed) have a thing against genetically modified foods, but I draw the line at extruded foods. I stopped eating Play Doh for that very reason.

    Jason, I dug the mp3s on their site. Here’s a creepy fact about me: I was a Ricky Skaggs fan before I even heard of Weird Al. I believe it was a Chipmunk cover of “I Love a Rainy Night.”

    Dan, I was probably high on goofballs, but that video seemed to sync up with Queen’s “Hammer to Fall,” which is what I was listening to at the time. What does it mean? Is Freddy still alive making viral marketing videos? Yes. Of course he is. There is no other explanation.

  10. I wanted to tell those morons what satire was, but the comments are friends-only.

    Also, the Utz mascot fucking creeps me out.

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