Dakota, Dakota, I Like You Not One Iota

I was going to be lazy and do a cartoon about South Dakota’s abortion ban. It was going to be called “8 Great Things About South Dakota,” and just feature eight blank panels, but I felt that was too angry for a comic strip that’s essentially a fart joke delivery system. Plus dadaism is for people who can’t be funny. For Friday’s cartoon, I went with some jokes about lobbyists, which scientists have found to be six times more hilarious than abortion.

There is a tremendous logical problem in believing a fertilized egg is a person. If you’re willing to make that incredibly false leap, then an egg in a petri dish with a sperm just one angstrom away from penetrating the cell wall is nothing, but one angstrom closer and it becomes a bonafide individual with rights. That’s stupid.

But there’s no changing the minds of people who believe angels are real. The only hope is to improve our nation’s education system so enough people realize human life doesn’t begin in one magic instant. It’s a continuum of development where an egg turns into a gooey lump, grows a heart, a spinal cord, resembles a lizard, then eventually turns into something viable. If you didn’t pass at least one biology class, you don’t get to be part of the debate.

I know I’m repeating myself, but just because something could exist in the future, doesn’t mean it exists today. Unless you’re some kind of hippie who thinks the past, present, and future all exist simultaneously, and we are just not capable of seeing the big picture, man.

10 thoughts on “Dakota, Dakota, I Like You Not One Iota”

  1. My favorite part, from an article on the issue:

    Anyone who performs an abortion under any other circumstance — even in a case of rape or incest — can be charged with a felony punishable by up to five years in prison. The mother cannot be charged.

    In his statement, however, Rounds pointed out that the bill does not prohibit doctors from prescribing contraceptive drugs before a pregnancy is determined, such as in a rape or incest case.

    So…what…if you’re getting rammed by your father, you have no excuse for not being on the pill?

    What the hell, South Dakota. Just because you have “South” in your name doesn’t mean you have to vote like a bunch of retarded hillbillies. Hell, entire parts of the actual South know better!


  2. The cartoon with the blanks panels would have been great! and funny! Only a few clinic-bombing types might think it is too angry.

    I say do it (since it involves a small amount of work) and have two comics this week.

  3. Jyllian – That’s probably the first time a spam filter incorrectly held a post with the word incest in it.

    I think they meant a morning after contraceptive, but with all the asshole pharmacists out there, morning after pills are harder to get than red sox tickets.

    That part of the country, those plains states I have no desire to visit (except Montana, which produced Sarah Vowell) are filled with this country’s most mendacious, hate-filled assholes. Even with its institutional racism, the South is infinitely better. It has a culture.

    The Dakotas have nothing but squirrelly little people living miles apart from each other, huddled in their basements waiting for a gay tornado that will never come.

    Matt & Allison – Sorry, but I think my description might’ve been more glamorous than what that comic would look like in reality. I’m also poor and don’t want to waste all that bristol board on a one note joke.

  4. You not getting off that easy. You can draw the intro panel and a blank box, then repeat it in photoshop. That way you can save bristol. Draw this on computer paper.

    Booyaah! What’s your excuse now??!!!

  5. Here’s another excuse: I don’t think it’s funny. I promise I’ll work on a more convulted and reference heavy way to say “South Dakota is lame.”

    But who knows, I’ll probably file it away in my trusty notebook of shitty ideas to use in case of a hangover emergency.

  6. Also, the South Dakota abortion ban seems like it’s been buried in the news a bit.

    So stupid people who don’t read the news (like people from South Dakota) might see the ‘toon and think you’re just saying South Dakota sucks because it’s a crappy place to live. Which it is.

  7. One day this website is gonna make me a democrat.

    Nonetheless, I hold no stance on abortion, the topic generally bores me as it’s a fruitless debate. Essentially I see it as fighting on the ((as jeffery rowland would say)) “interweb” in that nobody ever seems to shut up and compromise.

    I’ve become such a terrible little moderate in the past 2 years. I’m almost ashamed of myself :)

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