Kansas Classrooms

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I could’ve just as easily titled this cartoon South Dakota Classrooms, Missouri Classrooms, Mississippi Classrooms, etc., but I’m a sucker for alliteration. Still, this cartoon doesn’t adequately reflect the harsh reality in any of those horrible places.

Not content with just fucking up the lives of their own children, the people of those states have begun to restrict access to birth control, vaccines, and general knowledge to adults they don’t even know. While they’re at it, they should ban seat belts as a means to prevent speeding. Dan Savage tore into the right’s misguided attempt at policing morality at the end of this week’s column.

Not informing kids about safe sex isn’t going to prevent them from having sex. The people who think that are under some delusion that the fear of unwanted pregnancies or STDs is enough to get kids to stop fucking each other. Well, it’s not. What else is there to do out on the prairie? I bet there are parts of the midwest where a herpes outbreak is the most exciting thing that ever happens to someone.

The only way to guarantee your child won’t have sex too early is to raise a homely, socially-awkward child with an intense interest in math and science. Of course, you’d actually have to let science teachers teach science for that to work.