Those Wacky Religions!

Those Wacky Religions
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Hopefully this offends every religion equally, because they’re all stupid. In an attempt to be super-fair, I even had a joke about atheists, but the Atheist Pope (myself) issued a decree that said it wasn’t funny.

For the few Muslims who lack their religion’s famed sense of humor*, that’s Mohammed as the Unknown Comic. Please don’t kill me. I make fun of Jesus way more.

If you weren’t raised by the SuperStation in the eighties, the point of the last joke is that those religions are virtually ignored, just like the Professor and Mary Ann were in the first season credits of Gilligan’s Island. Did I just use a reference in lieu of a punchline? I suck.

*That’s sarcasm.

14 thoughts on “Those Wacky Religions!”

  1. O.K. Brian, you have done your job. I am offended. I guess in comedy timing is everything and for me the timing for this comic strip is real bad. This is not an attempt to open a God vs evolution debate. This opinion I’m about give has nothing to do with murder caused by religious belivies.
    I am not a very religious person. I can’t quote the Bible. The couple of times a year I go to mass I don’t know when to kneel, sit or stand. (I call it Catholic aerobics). I also don’t want to get to heavy on you but, you have caught me at a very sensitive time in my life. Trust me, religion is not stupid. I have seen and experienced the comfort it brings to people (myself included) in lifes most darkest hours. I personaly don’t think God heels nor does he dicide who dies. But I do believe he gives people strenth to deal with the shit. I’m not talking about “Gee my car got a flat tire” shit. I’m talking about real shit. You can’t deny that if people practiced a little more “Thou shall or shall not- 1 thru 10” the neighborhood would be a little nicer place to live in. Whether religion is real or the oldest best told fictional storys in the world does not matter. What matters for some people is that it is their comfort and their salvation. Hardly somthing stupid.
    I know your just a wise ass poking fun but you did say your hope was to offend(equally of course).

  2. Whoa, eighties reference punchline. I admit I didn’t get it. Thought the rest was cool though, but where is the scientology? Tom Cruise’s silent birth just happend!

    Uncle Tom, I know you did not solicit my opinion, but I’d like to say a few things. I don’t know what you are going through right now. No doubt many people draw strength from their religion. Many people from different religions do this. How could all those gods be real and giving people strength? Religion is a positive force for many Americans, but that doesn’t mean that it is true.

    And as far as the 10 Commandments go, the neighborhood would not be better if we all adhered to them. It prevents religious freedom (“false gods” and idols) and doesn’t allow us to covet out neighbor’s wife (thought crime).Commandments were stricly enforced in societies in the past and the results weren’t pleasant.

  3. Mat,
    Normally I’m and work and not sitting at my P.C. shooting the breeze. My kids will be kicking me off any minute anyhow. So a quick response for you.
    1. Your opinion is welcome
    2. Religion is like vitamins. I doesn’t matter if they really work or not. What matters is if the people who take them think they work.
    3. Your right about the 10 Commandments. See how much I know!
    O.K. Here’s the story. In less than a year I have had major surgury on my arm, surgery on my heart, lost my Mother (two weeks ago) and surgury on my heart again (last monday). As I have explained I am not a relgious person but, what has touched me is the cards and letters I have received from people telling me that they have put me and my family in their prayers. It really made me feel a whole lot better. When my mother passed I recieved cards from people I hardly knew and people I haven’t seen in years. I must admit It was a true comfort. Not from my belief in religion but from theirs. The fact that so many people where praying for us and so many people were just being genuinly nice have made the last 8 months so much more bearable. The good feeling of peoples faith worked for me. It gave me faith. I didn’t ask for it, take it for a test ride or pray for it. It just happened. My point is religion is not somthing that should be brushed away as stupid. Reading that first sentence above in “Those wacky Religions” struck a cord with me. Believe or don’t believe but don’t bust balls about it.

    3-b. You have never seen my/thy neighbors wife. No need to covet anything there!

  4. Uncle Tom,
    I really am sorry for offending you. I’ve never lost someone close to me and I know I’ll be a wreck when that happens. I wish I could believe in the certainty of religion to make that day and every day a little easier.
    I really think faith helps people, and I’ve often said how I envy them. I know it helps people get through some tough times. Like you said, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not for it to work. I just think the people who believe in the absolutism of their own religion at the exclusion of others causes more trouble than it’s worth.
    Also, I still have a hard time believing anyone reads this blog, so for some reason I write it in a smarmy tone without editing or thinking, obviously. Again, a million apologies.

    Matt,
    Uncle Tom really is my uncle. I was going to put every minor religion in a boat’s wheel, but they’d have to be too small. I just realized I left out Mormons too. I guess I’ll have to return to this theme if I really want to offend everyone.

    Everyone else – If I insulted you, take comfort in knowing I am one of America’s most despised people.

  5. Hi Brain,
    Relax my freind. I didn’t mean to expose my new found sensitive side. If we knew each other better (I have a feeling we will) you would know I’m one of the worlds biggest offenders of the easily offended. I take special pride in my uncanny ability to criticize things I know nothing about. On any given day you can find me hugging a tree. The next day I’m nuking the whales. Whether I join your side in a debate depends on if I like you or not. They would put me in jail if told people how I really felt.

    You have no need to apologize to me. I know your comment was not entended to offend me personally. It’s just that at the same time I start to see the good that faith can bring is when I started to notice what a beating religion takes. So go ahead and keep up the good work. Smarm away! I’m a big boy I can take it.

    All this hunting and pecking on top of my 12th grade Voc-tech education is about to cause my head to explode.
    Later
    Tom

  6. Not to join the Jump-on-Brian’s-Head fest, but I also gotta register a short note of disagreement on lumping Buddhism in there. I don’t begrudge anyone their atheism (I know many), but Buddhism isn’t a “religion” in the traditional sense. By its very nature, it is not based on doctrine, belief, or worship… but rather on attaining a direct (and highly individualized) perception of reality. No crazy fundamentalist dogma there that I know of…

    Otherwise, Brian, you, as always, kick ass!

  7. Lou – I hope Pynchon’s followers are less fatwa-y.

    Ben – Based on the little I know about it, Buddhism does seem to be the most world-friendly religion. I guess the Buddhist Fundamentalists would just be super-mellow dudes.

    BTW, I just got my comp copies of Attitude 3, and your bean bag photo is the best in the book. Good interview too. Same goes for Matt, August, and anyone else in it who reads this. I read the whole thing through, after narcissistically starting with my own.

  8. I guess I could see this as a dangerous comic to do. And I didn’t really find it “laugh out loud” funny. But it isn’t terrible. I’m a church going kid, and my elder brother is practically a preacher, but I can understand jabbing religion now and then.

    I think one thing all religious folks need to do is “chill the f*ck out” and the world will be a much more mellow place.

  9. Ah the tempest that is a religious discussion. I happened to be listening to Loose Fur’s song “Thou Shalt Wilt” an interesting take on the ten commandments when i read this blog. I’m not easily offended, and I can’t say I take offense to this but perhaps that’s because I know brian. I classify myself as an atheist, but don’t have a problem with religion per se. I see that a lot of people couldn’t get through the day without their faith and think that in that sense religion is an important thing. What I do have a major, major, major problem with is the imposition of one’s beliefs upon others. I have never tried to convince someone else that they should embrace atheism. it is what I choose to believe and that’s it. Just like I feel that people should be able to put whatever foreign substances in their body as they deem fit as long as they bring no harm to others, I feel that people should be allowed to believe whatever the hell they want as long as they keep it to themselves. Arguably the atheist retort to religion is often grounded in a frustration and anger born of the constant bombardment of others’ religious ideals.

    I have spent the last four and a half years in florida, and not a day went by on my college campus where I wasn’t accosted by a preacher on the quad, or pro-life statements on the sides of city buses. The interstates are saturated with billboards that espouse pro-life, and others that state “We need to talk – God” and other such things, and the state issues “Choose Life” liscense plates. It is infuriating and I think leads to an overly emotional response by those of us that feel that each person’s beliefs are their own and that such evangelizing is an imposition upon our free will. I fully expect that the future mother of my children will have different religious beliefs than I, and that’s fine, I just want my kids to be able to make their own decisions. It is infuriating to me, and should be infuriating to anyone of any belief that the government is attempting to impose the tenets of a religious sect upon the american public. Just because they believe what you do, doesn’t mean they should have the right to speak for others. Freedom is the point right? or is that just for fried potatos, and cinnamon and syrup laden toast?

    That’s all. I’m a little riled because I just finished reading “The Republican War on Science.” On a lighter note, wednesday was “National Look Alike day”(in addition to being national high-five day) and I’ve had three people tell me I look like Richard Buckner, and Richard Buckner rules.

  10. Steve – If you separate the comic from this blog post, since most BFW readers never visit the blog, I don’t think this comic is that offensive. Not nearly as much as this one, which bluntly states that there is no God. I only suggest he’s gay here.

    Meaty – I agree completely. For those who don’t know me, I rarely talk about politics and never talk about religion in public. I assume people read this because they’re curious about my opinions on those things. I prefer to make fart jokes and ridicule people much bigger than myself in real life.

    Politics and religion are guaranteed party-poopers unless you’re in the company of like-minded individuals. I know I lack the debating skills to get someone to abandon their faith or get the remaining 33% to admit that Bush is a fuck-up and that the 2000 election was a national disaster, so why bother getting all preachy?

  11. I don’t want to muck up the blog with religious debate……So I’ll keep it brief. Meaty, you are correct. Freedom is the point. How much freedom would we have if every time somthing bothered us, or rubbed us the wrong way or even on occasion infuriated us. Should we demanded it be removed?
    Would we really have any freedom? There are things we see every day that I wish my children didn’t have to see. Your job as a parent will be to teach, explain and guide your children to make the best decisions when thier decision making time comes.

    Unfortunatly The Church has a lot of cash and they can spend it how they choose. Down on the Bible Belt things is what they is. Maybe if more people chose common sense over life there would be less trailer parks getting ripped up by twisters and fewer people stranded on the overpass waiting for the water to recede.

    Sorry Brain if I’m mucking up your blog. I go back to work next Monday. My time on the computer will be back to 10 minutes here or there squeezed in between kids homework and I.M. chit chat.

    T.

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