7 Steps to a Cooler You

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For those who are unaware, I’m going to crush your blissful bubble of ignorance, and inform you of the existence of the steampunk fad. I argue that they’re even lamer than furries, in that at least furries get off. Steamdudes and dudettes just get a smug pretentious tingle in their nether regions for all their efforts.

If you’re into fancying up all your shit to make it look old timey, you are not a punk. You are a fop. I’ll stop before this turns into a Jeff Foxworthy bit. Chronic masturbators could also benefit from this nomenclature scheme and start calling themselves wankpunks. Then they’d be featured on a popular blog with pictures of the elaborate masturbatory devices they’ve constructed, or hacked, to use the parlance of some enthusiastic nerds. [ed. A joke about Disney World should go here.]

I would’ve busted out an equation proving the Fonzarelli Effect exists, but I’ll just say that it is mitigated by the Screech Quotient when both are factored into the Osmond matrix. So it’s not really worth my time. You can do it for extra credit if you want. But show your work!

For more thoughts on the very important subject of coolness, check out Jen’s strip for this week.

Next Week: Smears, Gaffes, and Laffs

4 thoughts on “7 Steps to a Cooler You”

  1. Do you think Mormon missionaries would be impressed by a collection of vintage pornography spanning from the late 1800’s through the 1920’s?

    I sure do hope so.

  2. We’ve been thinking alike lately, haven’t we? Is your next strip about Scalia, and does it prominently feature butt jokes?

    Actually, I know it’s not about Scalia. But I don’t know about the butt jokes.

  3. I think our bout of convergent thinking ends this week. Amazingly, there are no butt, dick, or shit jokes in this week’s BFW strip. However, it deals with the subject of lying, which is something that Sir Mixalot could not do in regards to his fondness for big butts:

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