Jen’s There Too

I should’ve noted in my previous post about Ward Sutton’s fake cartoonist character Kelly that the non-fictional* Jen Sorensen of Slowpoke fame is also in Denver doing some excellent blogging for C-Ville Weekly. And Tom Tomorrow’s doing the same for the New Haven Advocate.

Which leads me to ask: Why didn’t The Phoenix send me? I can twitter as good as David Bernstein. There’s a notebook full of mile-high-club dick jokes I have to throw out now.

*As far as I know, Jen is a real person. She could be an elaborate Andy Kaufman-esque performance art piece, but she stayed in character even while crashing on my inflata-bed.

Kelly at the DNC

America’s greatest editorial cartoonist, Kelly, is blogging from Denver. Ward Sutton’s cartoons are the only thing I read regulary in The Onion. Their headlines are great, but the articles themselves run on longer than an SNL sketch. They’d be better off just filling out the the space around the hilarious graphics with lorem ipsum.

Save Some Animals, You Dicks

Hey guys and gals, my sister works at the MSPCA. And if that’s not enough to dazzle you, she’s walking, or jogging, or putting out fires or something for animals. I’m too busy illustrating dick jokes to know exactly what she’s up to. But it’s important.

Anyway, they’re having a fundraiser. Help my sis reach her goal and prove to all those other do-gooders that she’s the best and that they should all eat her shit.

I swear I already helped-out. I was just too confused by the form to fill out the bit that would make my AWESOME GENEROSITY public.

The Least You Can Do

The Least You Can Do
click for comic

I did a similar cartoon a few weeks ago. I suppose this comic should be aimed only at the ignorant. Stupids and morons can’t help that their genes are just fuckin’ dumb.  But screw those retards.

Hopefully that’ll earn me a Tropic Thunder sized boycott from the Dum-Dum Club and all the publicity that entails.

Next Week: The North American Bro

Your Shit is On the Way!

To everyone who ordered something in the last month, I mailed all of your crap out yesterday. Unless I’m waiting to hear back from you about missing details. Sorry it took so long for some of you. But I am not a professional Ebay Beanie Baby seller.

Thanks again for spending money on my stuff. It helps out a lot. This fall I will provide you all with many more opportunities to give me your money.

Things should be much quicker here at BFW HQ until (let’s hope) the Red Sox make the playoffs. Fuckin’ Tampa, man. Whudda thunk?

Dear Entitled Diggsters

Thanks for the emails! Your eyeballs aren’t as important as you think they are.

UPDATE: Here’s what I wrote to a polite person:

I could have taken off those restrictions after I upgraded my bandwidth last month due to a Stumbleupon induced traffic spike for the same cartoon, but it just didn’t occur to me. The Stumbleupon recommender linked to the page, not just the image, so it wasn’t an issue.

While I prefer people to view my cartoons in the context I intend, I understand some folks consider my website to be an eyesore and just link to the cartoon images.

I’ll get around to it after I meet my next deadline. Also, if you know of any secret voodoo that turns website traffic into decent money, please let me and the whole publishing industry know about it.