Swing States Say

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I’ve been having dreams about the electoral map for the past month. If Virginia goes the good guy’s way, I think it will be safe enough for me to kick back, crack open a beer, and savor the delicious flavor of Republican failure.

One more thing: Happy Halloween and for Christ’s sake, VOTE YOU FUCKERS!

Next Week: 23 Cent Book Bin

MA Ballot Questions

Since I’m almost burnt out on the presidential campaign, here’s a rundown of the ballot questions here in Massachusetts and what I think of them. We don’t have any utterly evil ones like California’s prop 8, Florida’s 2, or Arizona’s 102 (102?! how many questions do you guys have to answer?). If you live in any of those states, vote no unless you want your state to become famously homophobic.

Ballot Question 1: A Proposed Law to Eliminate the State Income Tax

This is really dumb. Sure it sounds nice at first, as would “Free Pickle Fridays,” but the more you think about it, the shittier it gets. We live in a civilized society. I enjoy having plumbing, streets, policemen and firemen, teachers, roads, etc. Basically I love everything that makes MA better than New Hampshire. Even if you eliminate the state income tax, other taxes would go up to pay for the services we need. Unlike McCain and Palin, I am aware that there are other taxes besides the income tax. Property, sales, excise, and “fees,” which are what Mittens liked to call taxes, will go up to make up the difference if this question passes.

Ballot Question 2: An Act Establishing a Sensible Marijuana Policy

Makes sense to me. Like every other state, MA is facing a huge budget shortfall. Why not save some cash by not wasting any on an unwinnable War on Drugs? We should go even further and legalize it, then tax the shit out of it. It would be an excellent way to generate revenue from all those college kids who are temporary residents of my fair state.

Ballot Question 3: An Initiative for an Act to Protect Greyhounds

I suppose this is slightly more important than an act to protect cupcakes, but I really don’t care. MA only has two dog tracks, one of which isn’t too far from where I grew up. I never went there, and based on attendance, no one else does either. But if dog racing finally disappears, the Wonderland T stop should be renamed Funkytown or something equally fanciful.

The Comedy Duo of Obama & McCain

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There’s been a lot of high comedy at these debates. Should he lose, John McCain can take that shit on the road. Maybe with Neil Hamburger as Obama’s replacement.

Rape jokes are de rigeur these days, but decades before South Park, Sarah Silverman, and even hack comedians started using them as a crutch, McCain was delighting crowds with them.

I agree with Louis CK about the word cunt though. It is the pepper to dick‘s salt.

I’m not the first to compare Palin to an insult comic.

Next Week: Wacky Electoral Beliefs

My Swingin’ Pad

Ever since the credits rolled on that Mad Men episode from two weeks ago, (with Don in the jet on the way to LA) I’ve been diving into all of the Tornados work. I previously only heard of Robot, thanks to my Scopitone jag last year.

Telstar – The Tornados

I love the show, but that Decemberists song they stuck in there earlier in the season needs to be axed when the DVD comes out and replaced with something from the period. Unless Marty McFly visits Sterling-Cooper in the finale and starts blasting indie music from his Delorean.

Now I’m gonna have an old fashioned while I work on this next cartoon.

Hey You British People

So many of you liked BBC Radio 4’s Phil Jupitus’ Comic Love program, that it’s been expanded into its component parts for your listening pleasure. The new series is called Phil Jupitus’ Comic Strips and airs this week, again on BBC Radio 4. The episode with myself and my CWA pals airs Tuesday morning at 9:30am, Limey Time. Who knows how many of my swears will make it into the broadcast this time?

I’m not sure it will be archived, so be sure to tune in.

UPDATE: It is archived, and you can find it here.

I Am an Un-undecided Small Business Owner

Hello lazy media! Do you need some confused, half-retarded undecided person to interview for your radio/TV/newspaper thingee instead of doing actual journalism? Well I’m available for your shitty needs.

Firstly, I am literally small. I’m shorter than McCain, even before the Vietcong took his shins.

Secondly, this little comic doohickey counts as a small business. A very shitty business that can’t afford health insurance.

Lastly, I’m not actually undecided, but I can play the part. See: “Durrr. Me no-know whut da campididates are all about. Sometime me think Eye-raq have good esplosion, but other time me get scared of Eye-raq esplosions. Also, me fall into coma for last 10 years. Is Charles still in charge?”

I should be on Nightline any minute now.