Breakfast of Scumbags


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I’m not equating Jay Leno’s dick move to Pat Robertson’s vile nutjobbery about the earthquake in Haiti, but both things got me mad last week. I can multitask and compartmentalize my anger.

Obviously, Haiti is important, and who’s hosting what late night chat show isn’t. I don’t have much to say about Haiti, since I enjoy making jokes and there’s nothing funny about human suffering and the collapse of an entire nation.

If you can help out more than you already have, my pal and colleague Ruben Bolling has offered up his talents for a worthy cause. Check it out.

Now on to The Tonight Show. If you’re a fan of absurd comedy, and you’re reading this, so you probably are, you know the whole deal and are solidly in Coco’s Corner. Those who aren’t already, just watch this clip and you will be:

Jay’s 2004 Announcement

Jay Leno is a hack and a liar. The only things that bring him joy are telling jokes that put old folks to sleep and fucking the exhaust pipes of steam-powered old-timey cars with his freakish chin.

I’d give Conan another lengthy handjob on my blog, but I did that less than a year ago when he left Late Night. His Tonight Show suffered from a terrible lead in, The Jay Leno Show, and way too many boring celebrity guests taking up valuable comedy time. If NBC had any class, they would have let Conan retool the show over the Olympics hiatus before shitcanning him and losing tens of millions of dollars. But that is too much to expect from the same network that ran a fucking The Office clip show last night.

It’s going to be a while before Conan emerges from his contractual deep-freeze, but wherever he ends up, he’s going to be hilarious. And I’ll be watching. (And gunning for a job on the writing staff.)

I can’t talk about this whole late night debacle without mentioning David Letterman, who invented late night comedy that is actually funny. He has been mean, hilarious, and sincere for decades, especially throughout this whole mess.

And now that I mentioned Letterman, I have to acknowledge Stewart and Colbert. They’re all great, and it sucks that their shows all air in the same one hour block. I can’t DVR or Hulu all of ’em and still have time to dick around with this comic strip.

Next Week: Corporate Persons