Texas Textbook Excerpts


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Due to the economics of textbook publishing, a couple morons on the Texas Board of Education get to determine the contents of textbooks that are used in schools throughout the country. The entire horrifying process is documented in this NY Times Magazine article. It’s similar to how California’s emissions standards set the bar for all cars sold in the US, except Texas is lowering the bar, turning it into a retarded pole on the ground.

There is some hope at the end of the article, which says that one of the leaders of the dumbification movement, Don McLeroy (AKA Don “That Fuckin’ Dum-Dum” McLeroy), is facing a serious challenge from moderate Republican Thomas Ratliff. But who knows. In Texas, isn’t a moderate Republican someone who believes Jesus and Dinosaurs coexisted, but he never rode one?

The election of Scott Brown forces me to issue this disclaimer: Not all Texans are retards, but enough of ’em vote, just like here in good ol’ Massachusetts, the Bay State of Stupid.

While researching this cartoon, I discovered the “official” website for Footprints in the Sand. It’s INSANE. I’m not prone to giving out free ideas, but someone over there should contact Thomas Kinkade about painting some light coming out of some motherfucking Jesus-footprints.

ANNOYING PLUGS FROM A DESPERATE MAN: Please buy the Big Fat Whale book, Fun Stuff for Dum-Dums, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Next Week: The Worst Ads on the Web

7 thoughts on “Texas Textbook Excerpts”

  1. The whole Jenny McCarthy thing really pisses me off. The saddest thing is, some parent will actually listen to her crackpot BS and not immunize their children, thus putting many others at risk. To paraphrase C. Montgomery Burns, “She has the brain pan of a stage coach tilter”.

  2. Yeah, it’s mind-boggling. The next thing you know the vapors will make a comeback. Did they have a vaccine for that?

  3. I remember in about 1983 reading in Hustler about these two Texans who exerted inordinate control over the nation’s textbooks. Mel Gabler, I think was the name, and his wife. They were Assholes of the Month. I also remember reading in the high school “history” textbook of my nephew in Houston, that the Confederacy won all the early battles in the Civil War because southern soldiers were country folks and northern soldiers were city folks who didn’t know how to fight. My nephew also like Hustler but had not heard of the Gablers.

  4. As a born and raised Texan, let me point out that many of us are non-religious. Some of us call ourselves Agnostic, while a good portion of Texas is Hard Atheist. I’m in that portion. My parents worked for NASA in Clear Lake, and gave me a scientific view of reality in the form of science textbooks when I was seven, and Carl Sagan’s Cosmos in the eighties.

    I grew up to view religion from the outside. And you know what? It ALL looks silly from out here.

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