The Colonel Wants You

We’re just days away from Kentucky Fried Chicken’s newest awful thing, the Double Down, a bacon and cheese sandwich made with two pieces of fried chicken instead of bread. We shouldn’t call it a chicken sandwich, because that’s not how the -sandwich syntax works.

If you hadn’t heard of this culinary abomination, here’s the commercial.

Along with their sadness bowls, KFC has abandoned its core mission of making tasty fried chicken. Taco Bell did a similar thing when they shifted focus from making tacos to wrapping baby shit in a soft shell tortilla.

Konservative Komix

click for comic

This is sort of a companion piece to Conservative Horror Comics, which I did almost two years ago. The lameness of conservative humor is equal to or perhaps even lamer than the humor you’ll find on a daily comics page. Not all daily comics are bad, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with the format, as Ruben Bolling’s Super-Fun-Pak Comix routinely illustrate its hilarious potential. Editors are just making terrible, lazy decisions.

I was going to go off on the demise of newspaper (both daily and weekly) comics, but Derf has been on the topic as of late, and I’m feeling as lazy as Jim Davis.

I feel kind of bad taking digs at Davis, because as awful as it is, Garfield was my first comics favorite at 7 years old. From there I moved on to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and then it was a quick jump to Groening’s Life in Hell. Actually I take that back. If it wasn’t for Davis, I’d probably be in a more stable career writing corny jokes for commercials with talking CGI babies.

Get me drunk, and I will go on and on about comedy theory and why I believe conservatives are handicapped at being funny, but I will spare you for now.

Next Week: Nondeductible Charities.