Interpreting Mass Die-Offs

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A few weeks ago, everyone was freaking out over a bunch of dead blackbirds and other animals. Maybe if our bombs launched all those dead foreigners into space and they landed in the middle of an Arkansas NASCAR track, this country would fucking notice.

The animal die-offs are interesting in a “Weird News” kind of way. The brown foreigner die-offs make us sad and angry, (Or angrily defensive, in the case of chickenhawks.) so naturally we don’t like to think about them. But not thinking about them is why they’ve been going on for nearly a decade. In the same decade, Snooki became a bestselling novelist. That is interesting in a “Fucking Disgusting News” kind of way.

I don’t wish death on any person or non-delicious animal, except for starlings. Those fuckers are the Euro-trash of ornithology, with their disgusting greasy feathers.

Next Week: Valentines

The Homeopathic Coach

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I’m not sure why I chose to pick on homeopathy this week, when another pseudoscience, astrology, was all over the news. Both are dumb, but not as dumb as the Patriots’ performance last Sunday. Yuck.

As for homeopathy, here’s James Randi debunking that heavily diluted hogwash:

Next Week: Mass Die-Offs

Old Cartoon Comes to Life, in My Backyard

The Gentrifying Blob – May 2007

It was announced last week that the affordable, multicultural, Hi-Lo grocery store up the street from me will soon become a Whole Foods. Boo. But on the bright side, if they get a beer & wine license, I may be able to brown bag some good beers while doing my laundry across the street. At least until the laundromat gets bought out and becomes an organic dog sweater boutique.

Boehner’s Agenda

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Boehner’s a tool. Matt Taibbi expands on that, and backs it up with facts in this article.

Unless someone is dead, dying, or making you watch something Seth MacFarlane created, crying in public is unacceptable, for both men and women. If you’re not comfortable farting in front of someone, you shouldn’t cry in front of them. Babies fart and shit all over the place, so naturally they’re allowed to cry whenever they want. In summation, tears are eye-farts; keep them to yourself and loved ones.

Next Week: Fun with Football

Blizzard Reading Material

Thanks to my narcissistic Google Alert for “Big Fat Whale,” I found this great interview with Mike Flugennock in the Washington City Paper. There’s a lot of great stuff in there, but my favorite quote has to be this:

WCP: What do you do when you’re in a rut or have writer’s block?

MF: There’s really no single thing I do in this situation. Generally, what helps—at least for me—is to just kick back, let go, and not agonize too much. Smoking a bowl and watching Meet The Press (or something like it) also helps; there’s nothing quite being pleasantly blazed while watching a bunch of self-important Washington “insiders” taking themselves far too seriously to break down my writer’s block.

But seriously kids, don’t do drugs. Unless you like fun.

It’s Baby New Year!

It’s been a while since I gave a shout-out to the Animal Protection Center of Southeastern Massachusetts (APCSM). That’s where we adopted this little kitten over the holidays. I was pushing to name her Hoagie, but sanity (my better half) prevailed, and now her name is Greta. So “Hoagie” is still on the table if we ever have kids. (It’s not unprecedented!)

They received a lot of cats, kittens, and dogs this week and hope to find homes for all of them over the weekend. So if there’s a pet-shaped-hole in your home, go to Brockton and fill it!

If you’re not in the market for adopting an anipal, please consider kicking a few bucks to the shelter if you can, either by donating directly, or attending one of their fundraisers.

I promise not to cat-blog often, unless Greta does something I can exploit for viral pageviews, like showing off her record spinning skills this morning.

More Midseason Replacements

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For someone without cable, I watch a lot of television. Not 34 hours a week, but enough to catch promos for the awful shows those not-quite-full-time garbage watchers are watching. Normally midseason replacement season is nothing to get excited about, but my beloved Parks and Recreation is returning after getting bumped in the fall for the abomination that is Outsourced.

One panel I omitted from this cartoon was called “Seth MacFarlane Fucks Comedy in the Face and Shits on the Laughter of a Small Child While Jay Leno Jerks Off in the Corner” but I couldn’t figure out how to draw it without being too crass.

Next Week: Boehner’s Agenda