Gentrified Funny Pages

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Five months after Whole Foods announced they were moving into my neighborhood, our lovable landlady sold our building and the new landlord informed us he’s raising our apartment’s rent by $500 a month when the lease is up. We decided to move down two floors, lose a room, and still pay $200 more in rent. It was either that, or spend another summer apartment hunting and paying the bulk of any savings we found towards movers and realtors.

Anyway, a lot of ink has been shed about gentrification in Jamaica Plain, and even though it directly affects me, I’m tired of writing about it. Except to make fun of the wealthy and their giant sacks of income inequality.

Next Week: Cooking Out Tips

8 thoughts on “Gentrified Funny Pages”

  1. Hey, last week a tenant gave me notice she’s moving out! So you could move in! It’s a 600-square-foot, 2-bedroom second-floor duplex apartment with a small studio! Perfect for you guys, and only $1100! Except you would have to move to Saint Paul, MN. Lots of jobs here for your girlfriend, though! Not like out East! Lots of cartoonists and artists, too! You’ll get used to Minnesota! Most people do!

  2. Matt, I have extra Exclamation points because a former tenant left a whole shit-load of them in the basement after he moved out! It’s sad to see them go to waste…. But at least they are easier to use up than the case of ellipses another guy left!

  3. Helpful Landlord – You should lobby to have “You’ll get used to Minnesota!” become the state motto. I doubt I could survive the winters there, but I am curious to hear what a Boston accent crossed with a Minnesotan one would sound like.

    I am pro-exclamation points. They are the thinking person’s ALL CAPS.

  4. Hey, I moved from downtown Minnesota to Boston five years ago. Just now droppin’ mah ahs and I don’t say “snaw” or “yah” anymoah.

    HL, nobody gets used to weeks of sub-zero temps.

    I thought Southie was the new JP? Or is it Dorchester? I forget.

  5. Hey, Brian, I just read on Matt Bors’ website that you got a gig with the New York Times. You sellout! I hope that extra dough helps you cover the added expense of living in a shithole which is unfortunately attractive to hipsters and yuppies.

    I’m glad I bought your books when I did. I hope you become famous so I can sell your books for a profit and move to France.

  6. Mr B – Southie is a movie set populated by method-acting extras.

    ChrisV82 – I will become famous, just to earn you that trip. So I will give a pressed ham to the Today Show window.

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