Discovery

Discovery completed its final mission yesterday. It’s going to a museum or Jay Leno’s unfunny garage of old-timey vehicles, but serving astronaut ice cream on the streets of America would be a much more noble end.

Manned spaceflight is expensive and will probably never be as practical as sending robots to look at space-rocks, but putting people in space is fucking awesome, and a much better way for countries to wag their dicks around than waging wars. At least until Robonaut becomes sentient and rules us all from his throne on the ISS.

Gas Prices

If unemployment figures and other important economic statistics were plastered on easy-to-read signs at every intersection, maybe dum-dums would finally realize how bad income inequality has gotten in this country and get mad for the right reasons. Of course, that would require them to understand the difference between average and median, so I’m just gonna stop that line of thought.

Put your diaper-pants on tomorrow morning! A shit joke is coming up in Friday’s cartoon!

And the Oscar Goes to…

I didn’t see enough of the Oscar contenders this year to have an opinion on who should win. I’ve only watched the stuff that’s out on DVD, and out of that small crop, Inception‘s my favorite.

As for the Best 3D Movie to Watch While High, I think that should go to Piranha, which was actually filmed with 3D cameras, not that blurry 3D conversion cash-in bullshit. But if you remove the 3D requirement, Machete deserves to win. It was by far the funniest movie I’ve seen all year, and probably raised my expectations way too high (Pun-Fun!) for Hobo with a Shotgun.

And yes, I’m still peeved that Oscar-Baitin’! didn’t win any awards last year.

The Midnight Ride of Conan O’Brien

Coco’s coming to the Wang Theatre in Boston this weekend, and what better way to celebrate than with a dick joke?

I’ll be at Friday’s show, after lubricating my laugh-hole at The Tam.

And pedantic perverts needn’t bother correcting my spelling of “coming.” Even if I wasn’t going for the double entendre, spelling come with a u is a stylistic choice made by porno graphic designers who are trying to save valuable magazine and DVD cover real estate for close-ups of va-ding-dong-ginas.

Arizona Boycott

Maybe it’s something about spring training that turns states into assholes.

For a state that relies so heavily on tourism, Arizona’s new immigration law is a pretty dumb move. But it’s not unprecedented. As a whole, the US is a giant pain in the ass for tourists, with all the fingerprinting and general “guilty until proven innocent” vibe we give them at customs. Arizona just expanded the hassle to its own citizens, particularly the brown ones.

I’m not going to write much about the “Papers, Please” law since it’s been covered so much this week, but I want to direct you to Matt’s cartoon, which went up within hours of its passing.

I’d boycott Arizona, but I’ve been doing that my entire life without even trying. PF Chang’s, Go Daddy, John “My Friend” McCain? Arizona, quit making garbage so I can boycott you!