7 Steps to a Cooler You

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For those who are unaware, I’m going to crush your blissful bubble of ignorance, and inform you of the existence of the steampunk fad. I argue that they’re even lamer than furries, in that at least furries get off. Steamdudes and dudettes just get a smug pretentious tingle in their nether regions for all their efforts.

If you’re into fancying up all your shit to make it look old timey, you are not a punk. You are a fop. I’ll stop before this turns into a Jeff Foxworthy bit. Chronic masturbators could also benefit from this nomenclature scheme and start calling themselves wankpunks. Then they’d be featured on a popular blog with pictures of the elaborate masturbatory devices they’ve constructed, or hacked, to use the parlance of some enthusiastic nerds. [ed. A joke about Disney World should go here.]

I would’ve busted out an equation proving the Fonzarelli Effect exists, but I’ll just say that it is mitigated by the Screech Quotient when both are factored into the Osmond matrix. So it’s not really worth my time. You can do it for extra credit if you want. But show your work!

For more thoughts on the very important subject of coolness, check out Jen’s strip for this week.

Next Week: Smears, Gaffes, and Laffs

Drinking & Drawing in Boston

Tomorrow night I will be leaving the friendly confines of Somerville and heading down to the second installment of Drinking and Drawing Boston, if the Longfellow Bridge doesn’t collapse into the Charles on my way there. If it sounds like your sort of thing, you can sign up at the site. It’s at Paddy O’s, a McIrishy bar of sorts. Thankfully it’s not at a McFadden’s. I have vowed to never set foot in one of those abominations. (Imagine a date-rapey disco having the same name as you.)

Here’s a funny video explaining what the event is all about. Luckily it’s scheduled between games 6 and 7, if the Celtics don’t finish it tonight.