Kelly at the DNC

America’s greatest editorial cartoonist, Kelly, is blogging from Denver. Ward Sutton’s cartoons are the only thing I read regulary in The Onion. Their headlines are great, but the articles themselves run on longer than an SNL sketch. They’d be better off just filling out the the space around the hilarious graphics with lorem ipsum.

The Least You Can Do

The Least You Can Do
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I did a similar cartoon a few weeks ago. I suppose this comic should be aimed only at the ignorant. Stupids and morons can’t help that their genes are just fuckin’ dumb.  But screw those retards.

Hopefully that’ll earn me a Tropic Thunder sized boycott from the Dum-Dum Club and all the publicity that entails.

Next Week: The North American Bro

What’s On Low Information Voters’ Minds?

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Once again, here’s a cartoon that would be vastly improved if you imagine Tracy Jordan saying all the lines. I swear I’m one step away from writing Tracy Jordan fan fiction. Tracy in Space!

This is an early update from Canada. I’ll be in the Vermont woods tonight, far away from the internet. Let’s hope that the US border patrol isn’t a bunch of dicks.

Next Week: Cavalcade of Fart Jokes

More Smears, Gaffes, and Laffs

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The media likes to call people who believe email rumors “low information voters.” They should be called what they really are: “Dumbshit taint-stains who somehow managed to avoid being classified as retarded due to poor parenting and/or underfunded school systems.” These dumb fucks should be rounded up and put in a giant press and converted into a thick paste called “moron dressing” that us smart folks could put on our elitist salads. (You can ask for it on the side if you’re not on board with my Mental Cleansing campaign of terror.)

Bonus Obama smear: He blames all his farts on Michelle.

Next Week: Ask a Carny II