Hipster Fart Jokes

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The title says it all. My hipster-hatin’ is not as strong as it used to be, but they’re still fun to mock. However, since I was called a hipster by the New York Observer, maybe I am one and don’t even know it. As an experiment, I stuck myself in one of the panels to see how out of place I’d be, and uh, it’s a pretty good fit.

If you missed it over the weekend, here’s the link to my most recent NYT cartoon, which unfortunately has no farts in it.

Next: Healthy Home Tips

Boehner’s Agenda

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Boehner’s a tool. Matt Taibbi expands on that, and backs it up with facts in this article.

Unless someone is dead, dying, or making you watch something Seth MacFarlane created, crying in public is unacceptable, for both men and women. If you’re not comfortable farting in front of someone, you shouldn’t cry in front of them. Babies fart and shit all over the place, so naturally they’re allowed to cry whenever they want. In summation, tears are eye-farts; keep them to yourself and loved ones.

Next Week: Fun with Football

More Midseason Replacements

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For someone without cable, I watch a lot of television. Not 34 hours a week, but enough to catch promos for the awful shows those not-quite-full-time garbage watchers are watching. Normally midseason replacement season is nothing to get excited about, but my beloved Parks and Recreation is returning after getting bumped in the fall for the abomination that is Outsourced.

One panel I omitted from this cartoon was called “Seth MacFarlane Fucks Comedy in the Face and Shits on the Laughter of a Small Child While Jay Leno Jerks Off in the Corner” but I couldn’t figure out how to draw it without being too crass.

Next Week: Boehner’s Agenda

Lifestyles of the Internet Famous

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The internet fame cycle is a speedy and predictable beast. This is based on a lot of recent memes, but the character is mostly a fusion of “You Done Goofed” Dad and Le Pétomane, who would surely have millions of subscribers to his YouTube channel and a lucrative underpants endorsement deal if he were alive today.

Next Week: Genetically Awesome-ified

Going Green Guide

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Earth Day is coming up, so here are some helpful tips.

I’m late posting this, so I won’t type much. Do you know how hard it is to fart into your elbow? Only Cirque du Soleil members should attempt it.

Check out the Guardian’s Greenwash blog for real-life instances of people painting some leaves on some shit.

Next Week: Financial Reform Proposals

Corporate Persons Are Jerks

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The Supreme Court took a big wet shit on the shag carpet of democracy with their decision last week. Corporate personhood is garbage. A shitty human being can be shamed, or in the case of super-greedy-fucks, at least be torched and pitchforked by an angry mob. A corporate person can morph into a faceless non-person and hide behind a pile of money and an ace legal team as soon as it’s convenient.

The only rights corporations should have are the ones that protect their human participants’ individual rights. Telling ExxonMobil or Lockheed to shut the fuck up and stay out of elections doesn’t stop any of its vile, rapacious employees or shareholders from doing the same. Until Apple develops a tablet with its own life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, only human beings deserve certain unalienable rights.

There were many great comics on the subject this week. Here are a few of my favorites:

Matt Bors – The Corporate Civil Rights Movement

Lloyd Dangle – This Week’s Troubletown

Abell Smith – Great Moments in American Jurisprudence

Kevin Moore – If Persons Were Treated Like Corporations (I’m sad to report that this is the last In Contempt strip ever. At least until President Jenna Bush draws Kevin away from Wanderlost in the Fugly 20s.)

Next Week: Big Fat Valentines

How I Spent My Thanksgiving Week

Sorry I haven’t been able to keep up with the BFW Quickies while I’m on this Mid-Atlantic trip. Packing, unpacking, and cursing at the dumb, bossy lady who lives inside of my GPS has seriously hampered my production schedule.

But with the help of a six-year-old fan of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, I was able to whip this up on Friday:


I would’ve added a fart cloud enveloping Endor and gassing the Ewoks to death, but everyone knows Han farted first.