Stinking Merit Badges

Stinking Merit Badges
click for comic

I was never involved in scouting. Except for the Jesusyness and homophobia, I’ve got nothing against it. However, there should be an age limit. Scouts, Weblos, whatever-the-hell you want to call them, who are still into it when they reach their mid-teens make Mormon teens look cool.

I took an impromptu mini-vacation over the Fourth of July weekend (AKA a Patriotic Bender for America) and delayed planning the Boston Fun Stuff event. Details wicked soon, you guys! I promise.

Next Week: Public Options Live

Holy Shit, It’s the Book!

Fun Stuff for Dum-DumsAfter months of waiting, the Big Fat Whale collection Fun Stuff for Dum-Dums is finally here.

Why now? Well, I screwed up my publishing schedule and the cartoon that plugs the shit out of this book is coming out on Friday, rather than next week as I had planned.

I’d look like a giant dummy if folks came to the site wanting to buy the book but were unable to find it.

So here it is! A week early. Of course with printing and shipping, this weekend at MoCCA (I’ll be at table 426) is still your best bet for getting one of the very first copies. Plus I’ll be there to doodle in it for you!

I’m still scrambling to get things ready for MoCCA, but as soon as I return I’ll begin planning an event/signing in the Boston area. Shoot me an email if you have any tips or suggestions.

My apologies for the following sentence, which you’re going to hear a lot around my little slice of the web: PLEASE BUY MY BOOK! With 150 cartoons, the $15.95 price works out to just over 10 cents per cartoon. And with a conservative estimate of 6 jokes per cartoon, that’s less than 2 cents per joke. Do you want to contribute to an economy where a fart joke isn’t worth at least 2 cents? I hope not.

I’ll leave the last word to The Critic‘s Jay Sherman:

The Great Pandemic Panic & Flu Freakout

Pandemic Panic & Flu Freakout
click for comic

People went nuts for that flu shit last week, huh? I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly people quit freaking out, even if it means this cartoon is as stale as a white, sun-baked dog turd.

This is the second time I referenced 2 Girls, 1 Cup in the comic this year. It’s kinda hacky, I confess. But unless my internetting skills failed me, I believe it’s still the reigning champ of viral nastiness.

Matt’s Swine Flu cartoon points out that a more lethal killer lurks in our driveways, and we and the media couldn’t care less.

I’m too busy to write out a long-winded treatise on how the public and media poorly understand epidemiology. Instead, below the fold, here’s every video mentioned in this cartoon, except the nasty one. No one wants that. Continue reading The Great Pandemic Panic & Flu Freakout

The World at My Sphincter-tips

As part of a Twitter joke at the Globe’s expense, I made a link to Google News results for the word fart. Turns out farts are frequently in the news. I have since subscribed to the feed for that page. It is fascinating. I have also done the same for feces.

TANGENT: I don’t mean to be a feces populist, but if you spell it faeces, who you foolin’? No amount of fancy spelling is going to make anyone forget you’re talking about shitting. Just call it ass-daisies if you’re too delicate for shit.

As for the Globe, its situation is really not funny. It’s like a bizarro Seattle, where the PI is replaced with a paper from Boston, the bizarro-Seattle. Don’t believe me? Both are liberal, coastal cities, but Seattle’s Big Dig might not happen, and unlike Kurt Cobain, the members of Aerosmith didn’t commit suicide, which they should have, after their first album.

Goofing Off

If I wasn’t goofing off every couple of hours on Twitter, there would be no release valve for my dumb jokes. They’d clog my brain, preventing me from coming up with better stuff for the strip.

But occasionally one or two will plop out of my brain-hole that is good enough to share beyond my re-tweeting circle jerk. This is one of those times, and you dear blog readers, are the victims of my generosity.

I started off mentioning that all the scrotum jokes surrounding these infernal “tea parties” were beginning to bore me.  That, in turn, threatened to reduce my output of cock n’ balls jokes, which are currently 33% of my total output. Then Dan Tobin, writer of the Urban Blah, requested a pie chart to find out what made up the other two thirds. Naturally, I obliged:

BFW Joke Pie Chart
click for pie chart

After looking at that, would you believe the guy who drew it is just a couple months shy of 30?

Obama’s Mad Science

Obama's Mad Science
click for comic

As crazy as they are, at least all of these guys are square with the IRS, with the exception of Doc Brown, due to his dealings with the Libyans.

I don’t know if Obama made his NEA appointment yet, but whoever gets the nod should give me a grant. I’ll use it to finish the new national anthem.

Next Week: Crap-Ass Valentines

The Gaza Strip (An IntiFARTa)

I am just a humble never-frozen cartoonist. I have no intelligent thoughts about Gaza, and no silly cartoon ideas about Israelis and Palestinians farting on each other either. Oh wait! I have one of those!

Hamas farts in the general direction of an Israeli settlement and the the Israelis retaliate with ridiculously out of proportion silent but deadlies. Jimmy Carter shows up, mugs to the viewer and says, “Here we go again!” and sharts his pants.

Hello Pulitzer!

The Comedy Duo of Obama & McCain

click for comic

There’s been a lot of high comedy at these debates. Should he lose, John McCain can take that shit on the road. Maybe with Neil Hamburger as Obama’s replacement.

Rape jokes are de rigeur these days, but decades before South Park, Sarah Silverman, and even hack comedians started using them as a crutch, McCain was delighting crowds with them.

I agree with Louis CK about the word cunt though. It is the pepper to dick‘s salt.

I’m not the first to compare Palin to an insult comic.

Next Week: Wacky Electoral Beliefs