Cartoon Round-Up

I’ve been drawing a bunch of comics for different places and haven’t kept up with posting links here, so I’m gonna take a massive link dump right now on the blog.

From the Desk of President Obama

From the Desk of President Obama

click to read at The New York Times

Obama’s State of the Union speech was a boring dud. It took him 5 years to realize Congress doesn’t like him, so now he’s starting to rely on executive orders. He’s way behind most other presidents.

The Climate Change Winter Games

The Climate Change Winter Games

click to read at Daily Kos

The winter Olympics are about to begin, and the terrible winter we’ve been having has brought out the climate change deniers in full force.

The Super Bowl of Public Service Announcements

Super Bowl PSAs

Click to read at Medium

The Super Bowl was as boring as Obama’s SOTU, but these PSAs at least made it watchable.

Rahm’s Replacement Teachers

click for comic

I regret not calling them “scabs,” which is what they are, but for some dumb reason “replacement refs” has caught on. And I have to admit that I’m a hypocrite and continue to watch the games. BUT I’m boycotting the NFL’s advertisers by not buying shitty light beer, a pickup truck, or dick pills. So stay strong, referees who don’t suck!

Crappy Christmas Cards

click for comic

Too bad I’m not part-bear, because I’d hibernate through the entirety of this holiday season. But despite my best efforts, I can’t, so here are some goofy cards I quickly whipped up so I wouldn’t drown in eggnog and missed deadlines.

I thought the Tebow panel was ridiculous enough, but reality never ceases to amaze:

I’m a casual Patriots fan, but I’ll be rooting against this Tebow goober extra hard on Sunday.

The Homeopathic Coach


click for comic

I’m not sure why I chose to pick on homeopathy this week, when another pseudoscience, astrology, was all over the news. Both are dumb, but not as dumb as the Patriots’ performance last Sunday. Yuck.

As for homeopathy, here’s James Randi debunking that heavily diluted hogwash:

Next Week: Mass Die-Offs

World Cup Liveblog: England vs. USA

Thanks, everybody for following along and hitting refresh in my shameless grab for pageviews. I actually really enjoyed the game, and can totally see the appeal. If only MLS was played anywhere near the level of what I just watched. I might do another liveblog with Friday’s Slovenia game, but I’ll have to wake up early and bone up on my Slovenian stereotypes first.

4:25 And it ends with a tie. This special relationship smells fishy to me.

4:22 Even with stoppage time, this shit’s running a lot faster than any Red Sox vs. Yankees game I’ve ever seen.

4:15 Why doesn’t America love soccer? Who gives a shit. Why doesn’t the rest of the world love MONSTER TRUCKS?

4:04 That bastard was acting harder than John Gielgud for that foul.

3:54 Are any Hobbits from the Shire playing in this thing?

3:45 I’d rather listen to every episode of American Idol simultaneously rather than endure this cacophony of vuvuzelas any longer.

3:36 The only thing lamer than yellow cards would be a time-out in the corner.

3:31 Lite Beer commercials making fun of girly-men? If you’re drinking lite beer, you might as well be douching with Yoplait.

3:24 I could get used to this commercials-only-at-the-half dealio. No Bob and his fucking discount furniture.

3:21 Every cutaway to David Beckham I have to remind myself that he was an athlete, and not some random Abercrombie & Fitch lookin’ dude the cameraman’s crushing on.

3:11 Woo-fucking-hoo! On a dribbler Bill Buckner could’ve snagged, to boot!

3:08 This last five or six minutes illustrates why soccer hasn’t caught on. I’ve read EVERYTHING on this bottle of beer while they’ve been going back and forth.

3:01 Cleats to the tit. I think we just found the new waterboarding.

2:54 Start calling this “grass hockey” and viewership will go way up.

2:50 Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and money shots.

2:47 Actually hoping for a tie. What kind of pussy am I turning into?!

2:42 No District 9 aliens in the crowd? Not cool, South Africa.

2:38 A real foul! Not some phantom acting bullshit!

2:34 Outlook, not so good.

2:27 Oh yeah, our national anthem is all about how those guys failed to take Baltimore, that humid shithole.

2:18 Subway for breakfast! Nothin’ says “Good morning” like microwaved turds.

2:13 Comcast’s basic, legally-required to provide over-the-air HD signals are shit. Constantly stuttering. Switched to the rabbit ears, and PERFECTO! XFinity is marketing speak for shit.

2:06 Are there mascots at this thing? If not, I propose a giant pig on a mobility scooter to represent USA.

1:57 Knight and Day looks like the worst fucking thing in the world.

1:46 If USA loses, I hope someone pulls a “The Patriot” and stabs England’s goalie with an American Flag.

1:39 Alexi Lalas is all grown up and no longer looks like that hippie from the Spin Doctors.

1:30 ‘Gansett in the fridge. Watching the pre-game. Hoping the mysterious extra time won’t make me late for my sis’s cookout and Flag Day fireworks.

This is me, in 1986, the last time I gave a shit about soccer, or as you fer’ners call it, footsieballz. My two or three years in BYSA were the peak of my team sports involvement, even including my stint on the championship-winning intramural Ultimate Frisbee team in college.

Since FIFA decided to have the England vs. USA game at a reasonable hour for me, and I’ve got nothing better going on this afternoon, I’m going to liveblog the shit out of it. Check back before kickoff (is that what it’s called?) for my lazy-weekend quippery!

1:46 If USA loses, I hope someone pulls a “The Patriot” and stabs England’s goalie with an American Flag.