Pig Pile On Lieberman!

For this week’s BFW Quickie, I was going to draw a quick sketch of Lieberman as a hemorrhoid on the sphincter of congress (Its reformhole, if you will.), then I saw Jen’s depiction of him as an intestinal blockage. A couple hours after that, I read David Rees’ hilarious 10 Lieberman jokes, and when I woke up this morning, I read Tom Tomorrow’s take on the Lieber-douche. I could not bear to look at that human-shit-pig’s infinite crevasses any longer and scrapped my plans.

I’ll try to come up with something else by tomorrow afternoon. I’m under a self-imposed fart joke moratorium, so that might be difficult.

Bad-Ass Baucus

Bad-Ass Baucus
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No matter how many elections Democrats have won, a handful of centrists have been enacting the same do-nothing “compromises” on the party since the nineties.

When the Republicans got a paper thin 51% majority, they were able to pass all sorts of partisan shit. Give the Democrats a super majority, and all they can do is bend over backwards kissing Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe’s wrinkly, shouldn’t-be-from-New-England asses.

Next Week: Modern Medical Marvels

Town Hall Smack Down!

Town Hall Smack Down!
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Is Smack Down one or two words? TRICK QUESTION! I don’t care.

Thanks to Barney Frank, the nutbars at these things are starting to get the lack of respect they deserve. Now if only adults were allowed to speak at these things. Maybe something like a childproof cap placed over the microphones can make that happen. This would make Republican town halls incredibly silent, but that’s a feature, not a bug.

BOSTON AREA: The beer, slideshow, and booksigning is just one week away. Saturday, August 29, 4-7pm @ The Burren in Davis Square Somerville. Tell your friends. Bring your friends. Trick a stranger into thinking he’s your friend and bring him too!

Next Week: Inchworm!

Secretly Replacing Harry Reid

Secretly Replacing Harry Reid
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I don’t know who Harry Reid blew to become the Senate Majority Leader, but he must be a fantastic fellator; especially if his BJs are as toothless as his leadership skills.

The millions of dollars given to the Blue Dogs by the health insurance industry should be given to the American people instead. In crisp singles. Then we can use them to apply paper cuts to the nipples and dicks of every politician who is stopping real health care reform (not this health insurance, half-ass bullshit-reform) from happening. They’ll be in pain, but they’ll be fine. Unlike millions of other people, they actually have decent, government-run health insurance.

But the Dems’ shitty meakness and ineffectiveness have got nothing on House and Senate Republicans, who take great pride in being awful. If some pharmaceutical lobbyist gave them a free lunch and said cancer kids’ bald heads could be ground up and turned into boner cream, they’d be blabbing away at how great Merck is for getting their withered, gray, cocks hard and creating jobs at the Cancer Kid Abattoir.

For more about these Blue Dog turds, check out Matt’s cartoon.

Boston area: 3 weeks until beer, jokes, and books. Now with 100% more cartoonists!

Next Week: Alternative Birth Control

Public Options Live

Public Options Live
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If you’re not familiar with John Carpenter’s They Live, this clip should light a fire under your ass to go see it right-fucking-now:

I’ve heard, seen, and written the words “public option” so much over the past few months, they’ve nearly lost all meaning. But you’d have to be pretty fucking dumb to think the federal government isn’t already shooting public options out of its ass for everything BUT health insurance.

But you know what? Private options are all over the goddamn-place too. Some are prohibitively expensive, but since selfish assholes deny the benefits of pooling resources to lower costs, there’s a private (and usually more expensive) option for nearly everything the government does.

Don’t like the public option for streets and sidewalks? You can build your fucking own on your own goddamn property!

Don’t like the quasi-public option of the United States Post Office? Go to UPS!

Don’t like the public option for putting out fires and saving your ass? Hire a big dude to follow you everywhere with a giant hose!

Don’t like cheap, affordable public transit? You can get a limo, Mr. Moneybags!

Don’t like your public water supply? Pay Coke or Pepsi to bottle someone else’s public water supply for you, you fucking moron!

Don’t like the US Military? Dick Cheney’s old mercenary company will gladly take your money to fuck some foreigners up!

Don’t like NASA being fucking awesome and sending dudes to the fucking moon for all of fucking mankind? Burt Rutan and Sir Richard Branson will send you on a sub-orbital, pussy-ass space flight for a hefty fee.

It goes on and on. Republicans/Libertarians argue that all of these things are privileges, not rights, and that they shouldn’t be taxed to give poor people access to them. They can take that position because they are terrible human beings.

However, I firmly believe blow jobs are a privilege. I will not support a public option that gives blow jobs to those who can’t earn them on their own. Coincidentally, that group is almost entirely made up of Republicans and Libertarians.

Tom Tomorrow, Kevin Moore, Jen Sorensen, Matt Bors, and all of my peers who take their alt-weekly cartoon orders from George Soros and ACORN have recently done excellent cartoons about our nation’s terrible health care.

Next Week: Surviving the Wilderness