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If you’re not familiar with John Carpenter’s They Live, this clip should light a fire under your ass to go see it right-fucking-now:
I’ve heard, seen, and written the words “public option” so much over the past few months, they’ve nearly lost all meaning. But you’d have to be pretty fucking dumb to think the federal government isn’t already shooting public options out of its ass for everything BUT health insurance.
But you know what? Private options are all over the goddamn-place too. Some are prohibitively expensive, but since selfish assholes deny the benefits of pooling resources to lower costs, there’s a private (and usually more expensive) option for nearly everything the government does.
Don’t like the public option for streets and sidewalks? You can build your fucking own on your own goddamn property!
Don’t like the quasi-public option of the United States Post Office? Go to UPS!
Don’t like the public option for putting out fires and saving your ass? Hire a big dude to follow you everywhere with a giant hose!
Don’t like cheap, affordable public transit? You can get a limo, Mr. Moneybags!
Don’t like your public water supply? Pay Coke or Pepsi to bottle someone else’s public water supply for you, you fucking moron!
Don’t like the US Military? Dick Cheney’s old mercenary company will gladly take your money to fuck some foreigners up!
Don’t like NASA being fucking awesome and sending dudes to the fucking moon for all of fucking mankind? Burt Rutan and Sir Richard Branson will send you on a sub-orbital, pussy-ass space flight for a hefty fee.
It goes on and on. Republicans/Libertarians argue that all of these things are privileges, not rights, and that they shouldn’t be taxed to give poor people access to them. They can take that position because they are terrible human beings.
However, I firmly believe blow jobs are a privilege. I will not support a public option that gives blow jobs to those who can’t earn them on their own. Coincidentally, that group is almost entirely made up of Republicans and Libertarians.
Tom Tomorrow, Kevin Moore, Jen Sorensen, Matt Bors, and all of my peers who take their alt-weekly cartoon orders from George Soros and ACORN have recently done excellent cartoons about our nation’s terrible health care.
Next Week: Surviving the Wilderness