Tomorrow’s Technology News Today

Tomorrow's Technology News Today

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Took a break from politics (for the most part) this week and focused on technology news. I will be happy to change my mind about the pointlessness of Google Glass if they comp a beta version my way.

And it is true that the Library of Congress has exerted more authority in 2013 than the Securities and Exchange Commission has in, oh let’s say the past twenty years or so.

Black Friday Bargains! and Post-Election Stress

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I don’t understand the Black Friday hysteria. Shit’s on clearance December 26th. There’s other bits of news commentary crammed into this comic, but I don’t have time to write about any of it. I have to get a cartoon done this week, holiday or not.

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If you missed it earlier, this is my post-election comic. I’m so glad that’s over. This was the first election where I had to pay attention to everything because of The Strip. In previous years when I was just doing BFW, I could tune in and out as I pleased. Besides the not-having-any-money part, it was a pretty sweet gig.

Swing States Say

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I’ve been having dreams about the electoral map for the past month. If Virginia goes the good guy’s way, I think it will be safe enough for me to kick back, crack open a beer, and savor the delicious flavor of Republican failure.

One more thing: Happy Halloween and for Christ’s sake, VOTE YOU FUCKERS!

Next Week: 23 Cent Book Bin

MA Ballot Questions

Since I’m almost burnt out on the presidential campaign, here’s a rundown of the ballot questions here in Massachusetts and what I think of them. We don’t have any utterly evil ones like California’s prop 8, Florida’s 2, or Arizona’s 102 (102?! how many questions do you guys have to answer?). If you live in any of those states, vote no unless you want your state to become famously homophobic.

Ballot Question 1: A Proposed Law to Eliminate the State Income Tax

This is really dumb. Sure it sounds nice at first, as would “Free Pickle Fridays,” but the more you think about it, the shittier it gets. We live in a civilized society. I enjoy having plumbing, streets, policemen and firemen, teachers, roads, etc. Basically I love everything that makes MA better than New Hampshire. Even if you eliminate the state income tax, other taxes would go up to pay for the services we need. Unlike McCain and Palin, I am aware that there are other taxes besides the income tax. Property, sales, excise, and “fees,” which are what Mittens liked to call taxes, will go up to make up the difference if this question passes.

Ballot Question 2: An Act Establishing a Sensible Marijuana Policy

Makes sense to me. Like every other state, MA is facing a huge budget shortfall. Why not save some cash by not wasting any on an unwinnable War on Drugs? We should go even further and legalize it, then tax the shit out of it. It would be an excellent way to generate revenue from all those college kids who are temporary residents of my fair state.

Ballot Question 3: An Initiative for an Act to Protect Greyhounds

I suppose this is slightly more important than an act to protect cupcakes, but I really don’t care. MA only has two dog tracks, one of which isn’t too far from where I grew up. I never went there, and based on attendance, no one else does either. But if dog racing finally disappears, the Wonderland T stop should be renamed Funkytown or something equally fanciful.

The Comedy Duo of Obama & McCain

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There’s been a lot of high comedy at these debates. Should he lose, John McCain can take that shit on the road. Maybe with Neil Hamburger as Obama’s replacement.

Rape jokes are de rigeur these days, but decades before South Park, Sarah Silverman, and even hack comedians started using them as a crutch, McCain was delighting crowds with them.

I agree with Louis CK about the word cunt though. It is the pepper to dick‘s salt.

I’m not the first to compare Palin to an insult comic.

Next Week: Wacky Electoral Beliefs

Boo Code Pink

McCain’s doing a fine job shooting himself in the foot in front of that Blue Screen of Death all on his own without you hippies belittling liberalism with 40-year-old publicity stunts.

That said, every time these jackboots chant “USA! USA! USA!” I imagine them chanting “BEEF SUPREME!” and it’s a little less embarrassing to share the same country with them.

Jokes Too Shitty to Illustrate

These lame jokes aren’t worth wasting ink on, but blogging technology allows me to shove every shitty idea I have into your eyeholes. So please use your mind grapes and imaginate a cartoon McCain dancing seductively and singing Fergie’s “My Humps,” except he’s singing something about his lumps, his lovely cancer lumps.

Get it? He’s OLD, and SICKLY. And he picked a fucking loon to replace him should the sweet lord Jesus send him to God’s POW camp in the sky.

Also, Palin sounds exactly like a British person who’s mocking us.