Geek Gadget Guide

Geek Gadget Guide
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I’m trying out a new time for when the blog auto-updates with the comic post. I’ll still upload the comic to the site on Thursday nights, but figure Friday morning in the US is a better time for it to pop up in peoples’ RSS readers. Besides, the West Coast and beyond have been enjoying BFW before bed on Thursdays for too long! The website clearly says “Updates Every Friday!” You guys were cheating.

But it’s an experiment that will have to wait a couple weeks. I’m leaving for a two-week road trip starting tomorrow and updates will depend entirely on when I can find the internet amongst the gators, Piggly Wigglies, and racists of the South. Man, oh man, I can’t wait to get away from this abusive asshole.

Next Week: More Recession Recipes

Bonus Timewaster: After posting the cartoon, Rockwell informed me of an online Oregon Trail emulator.

Monster Scientific Apparatus Rally

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I love these wonderful science toys, but  PHDs need to come up with snappier names. What’s wrong with “Humongous Helical Magnotron?” Van De Graaff-Osaurus would also jazz up the Museum of Science’s Theater of Electricity. Yikes! That website is almost old enough to vote.

While putting stuff together for this cartoon, I came across this hilarious faux Monster Truck Rally commercial:

And while I’m YouTubin’, here’s the Large Hadron Rap you might’ve seen around the nerdosphere:

UPDATE: I was off on the amount of voltage. Van De Graaff generators are capable of producing much higher voltages, and it would take much more than 10,000 volts to zap a creationist. What can I say? I was a mechanical, not an electrical, engineer. Robots are better than breadboards. It’s a FACT!

Next Week: Sarah Palin Is Your Old Testament

Dear Entitled Diggsters

Thanks for the emails! Your eyeballs aren’t as important as you think they are.

UPDATE: Here’s what I wrote to a polite person:

I could have taken off those restrictions after I upgraded my bandwidth last month due to a Stumbleupon induced traffic spike for the same cartoon, but it just didn’t occur to me. The Stumbleupon recommender linked to the page, not just the image, so it wasn’t an issue.

While I prefer people to view my cartoons in the context I intend, I understand some folks consider my website to be an eyesore and just link to the cartoon images.

I’ll get around to it after I meet my next deadline. Also, if you know of any secret voodoo that turns website traffic into decent money, please let me and the whole publishing industry know about it.

That Hurts, Bathroom Buddy

Brocton Sucks Ass

I spotted this while urinating at the impeccable Brockton Fair toilets during a demolition derby.

Brockton, even if you spell it incorrectly, doesn’t suck ass. It sucks balls, and that’s it. Maybe I’m ego-centric, but has Easton produced a snarky cartoonist? No?! Of course not. That place is fuckin’ boring. Brockton is where it’s at. Brockton nurtures nerds like you wouldn’t believe. I’d have a real job by now if Brockton really sucked ass.

But seriously folks, only move there if you suck at driving and enjoy being part of the shittiest driving community I ever had the displeasure of driving with. Really. You Brockton peeps suck at cars!

7 Steps to a Cooler You

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For those who are unaware, I’m going to crush your blissful bubble of ignorance, and inform you of the existence of the steampunk fad. I argue that they’re even lamer than furries, in that at least furries get off. Steamdudes and dudettes just get a smug pretentious tingle in their nether regions for all their efforts.

If you’re into fancying up all your shit to make it look old timey, you are not a punk. You are a fop. I’ll stop before this turns into a Jeff Foxworthy bit. Chronic masturbators could also benefit from this nomenclature scheme and start calling themselves wankpunks. Then they’d be featured on a popular blog with pictures of the elaborate masturbatory devices they’ve constructed, or hacked, to use the parlance of some enthusiastic nerds. [ed. A joke about Disney World should go here.]

I would’ve busted out an equation proving the Fonzarelli Effect exists, but I’ll just say that it is mitigated by the Screech Quotient when both are factored into the Osmond matrix. So it’s not really worth my time. You can do it for extra credit if you want. But show your work!

For more thoughts on the very important subject of coolness, check out Jen’s strip for this week.

Next Week: Smears, Gaffes, and Laffs