Texas Textbook Excerpts


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Due to the economics of textbook publishing, a couple morons on the Texas Board of Education get to determine the contents of textbooks that are used in schools throughout the country. The entire horrifying process is documented in this NY Times Magazine article. It’s similar to how California’s emissions standards set the bar for all cars sold in the US, except Texas is lowering the bar, turning it into a retarded pole on the ground.

There is some hope at the end of the article, which says that one of the leaders of the dumbification movement, Don McLeroy (AKA Don “That Fuckin’ Dum-Dum” McLeroy), is facing a serious challenge from moderate Republican Thomas Ratliff. But who knows. In Texas, isn’t a moderate Republican someone who believes Jesus and Dinosaurs coexisted, but he never rode one?

The election of Scott Brown forces me to issue this disclaimer: Not all Texans are retards, but enough of ’em vote, just like here in good ol’ Massachusetts, the Bay State of Stupid.

While researching this cartoon, I discovered the “official” website for Footprints in the Sand. It’s INSANE. I’m not prone to giving out free ideas, but someone over there should contact Thomas Kinkade about painting some light coming out of some motherfucking Jesus-footprints.

ANNOYING PLUGS FROM A DESPERATE MAN: Please buy the Big Fat Whale book, Fun Stuff for Dum-Dums, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

Next Week: The Worst Ads on the Web

Obama’s Mad Science

Obama's Mad Science
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As crazy as they are, at least all of these guys are square with the IRS, with the exception of Doc Brown, due to his dealings with the Libyans.

I don’t know if Obama made his NEA appointment yet, but whoever gets the nod should give me a grant. I’ll use it to finish the new national anthem.

Next Week: Crap-Ass Valentines

Monster Scientific Apparatus Rally


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I love these wonderful science toys, but  PHDs need to come up with snappier names. What’s wrong with “Humongous Helical Magnotron?” Van De Graaff-Osaurus would also jazz up the Museum of Science’s Theater of Electricity. Yikes! That website is almost old enough to vote.

While putting stuff together for this cartoon, I came across this hilarious faux Monster Truck Rally commercial:

And while I’m YouTubin’, here’s the Large Hadron Rap you might’ve seen around the nerdosphere:

UPDATE: I was off on the amount of voltage. Van De Graaff generators are capable of producing much higher voltages, and it would take much more than 10,000 volts to zap a creationist. What can I say? I was a mechanical, not an electrical, engineer. Robots are better than breadboards. It’s a FACT!

Next Week: Sarah Palin Is Your Old Testament