Occupy Action Items

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The encampments were/are important symbols, but the underlying message of the fucked-upedness of our financial system that they helped bring to to the forefront of national debate can be kept alive by other means that don’t result in a riot-cop’s boot stomping your face. Of course the suggestions in this cartoon are mostly tongue-in-cheek, but there are more sincere and practical analogs to most of the jokes in here.

One that I especially approve of is a debt strike, the real-life version of putting a negative number on your checks. Banks and corporations have been sitting on cash, refusing to lend and spend in what’s essentially a capital strike. It’s especially bad for the banks, since the money they’re not handing out, (All $8 Trillion or so.) was given to them by the Fed for free. Companies have reasons more than simple greed to hang on to that cash, since there’s no demand for anything they make in our broke country. Except for shitty vampire movies, apparently.

Anyway, the real point of this cartoon is to get you to help Save Community, and maybe, if you have some time after that, fight economic injustice.

Jon Benjamin Has a Van…And My Heart

Not since Wonder Showzen has a TV program made me laugh out of my laugh-hole.

Louie is the best thing going, as far as art and comedy go, but JBHV is the feverish, joke-a-second-handjob comedy nerds crave.

I’m posting this since the next BFW is gonna be late, again, and wanted to direct you to some laughs. The new cartoon should be up sometime over the weekend.

Reality Show Pitches

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I don’t watch as much garbage TV as I used to, but I watch enough of The Soup to know what’s going on in Garbageland. If you’re a fan of the recapping reality shows genre, check out David Rees, Paul F. Tompkins, and Tom Scharpling‘s stuff over at NYMag.

Remember when I did a cartoon about baseball last week and hoped the Red Sox were as good as everyone was predicting? Haha. I’m a fuckin’ dummy.

Next Week: Weapons for the War on Drugs

More Midseason Replacements

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For someone without cable, I watch a lot of television. Not 34 hours a week, but enough to catch promos for the awful shows those not-quite-full-time garbage watchers are watching. Normally midseason replacement season is nothing to get excited about, but my beloved Parks and Recreation is returning after getting bumped in the fall for the abomination that is Outsourced.

One panel I omitted from this cartoon was called “Seth MacFarlane Fucks Comedy in the Face and Shits on the Laughter of a Small Child While Jay Leno Jerks Off in the Corner” but I couldn’t figure out how to draw it without being too crass.

Next Week: Boehner’s Agenda

Liveblogging Outsourced

The liveblog is over, and I feel significantly dumber for watching this ignorant, lowest common denominator, racist abomination. I’ll be ignoring it from now on, and hopefully Parks and Rec will return to the Thursday night comedy nerd playground soon.

Also check out Todd VanDerWerff’s recap over on the AV Club. He hates this shit almost as much as me and should consider the mailing of the review DVD a hate crime.

10:00 It ended with a shit joke! I can’t wait for the Mexico-based spin-off, or shall I say “shit-off?” No. End this show now. Tomorrow I shall eat Lamb Vindaloo and Peshwari Naan to make amends for watching this turdburger.

9:52 Hey! Wait a minute! Why isn’t Fisher Stevens in this?

9:49 Commercials are a peephole into the part of America I fear and loathe.

9:47 This show is some defensive xenophobic bullshit right here. RATINGS Gold!

9:43 I want to see the Sikh fuck the American up.

9:39 This show hates Indians, Americans, and Australians.  But it doesn’t think it hates Americans.

9:37 Fuck these guys. Indian food is delicious.

9:35 This should have been titled “Van Wilder Goes to India and Is Not Funny There Either.”

9:33 I hear the green screens in India are beautiful this time of year.

9:31 Poor Matt Walsh. He’s so good. (Elsewhere.)


9:26 Although it flies in the face of continuity, I love web-savvy Creed.

9:19 For the last six or so years, I’ve been haunted by Kathy Bates’ tits in About Schmidt.

9:12 This Luke crap could’ve been a good Modern Family crossover.

9:02 So now The Office is aiming for actual Michael Scotts as its target audience?

8:56 I hope 30 Rock references Comedy Death Ray’s other crowd-pleasing bit: PLUGS!

8:45 I hope Matt Damon gets to punch Julianne Moore for her Boston accent sometime soon. On 30 Rock or real life. Either’s cool.

8:35 This Studio Facebook on the Farmville Strip movie looks pretty good!

8:29 The Office is going to start with a stuck-in-a-elevator episode? It smells like jumped-shark up in here.

8:26 Senor Chang!

8:24 Starburns is Dino Stamatopoulos, the greatest Greek-American comedy hero. (Except for random hairy dude at the beach.)

8:19 25-year-old me would scoff at quality TV airing at 8, but fuck, I’m old. I was asleep at 9:30 last night.

8:15 First promo for Outsourced. The gist: Foreigners are so FOREIGN!

8:09 Community‘s takin’ jabs at Shit My Dad Says. Well done. Chevy > Shatner

8:06 Community‘s so good. But where did Trudi Campbell dump the newborn?

7:55 Ugh. Forgot watching live TV means I’m subjected to local political commercials. New Hampshire’s are adorably amateur. Massachusetts’ are filled with exaggerated accents, for inauthentic folksiness.

7:45 Watching Jeopardy before my stories start, and Christ, that set! Really craving some coke now.

Last year, Thursdays on NBC were pretty great, with the exception of that infamous experiment in aggressive mediocrity. I especially enjoyed the two newer shows, Community and Parks and Recreation. 30 Rock and The Office delivered lots of laughs, but their age prevents them from offering anything truly surprising.

Since its executives apparently set the schedule by farting into a random number generator, Parks and Rec was demoted to mid-season status and replaced with Outsourced, a show about a white guy who goes to India to teach the natives how to be a douche.

There’s a ton of shitty shows premiering this fall, so why am I singling this one out? It’s being aggressively advertised on websites I frequent and now I want to punch that guy and his coworkers in their fucking multicultural faces.

Stop by this post tonight at 9:30 and join me in the unfun!

8:56 I hope 30 Rock references Comedy Death Ray’s other crowd-pleasing bit: PLUGS!

Catching Up

It’s been forever since I posted something here besides the weekly comics. Sorry about that. Summer and furnishing the apartment left little time for me to blather on about nonsense.

If you weren’t reading Ted Rall, Matt Bors, and Steven Cloud last month, dig through their archives to read and see their Afghanistan adventure. SPOILER ALERT: They don’t die.

I’m pretty burnt out on politics these days since I am not a moron. August made a more eloquent version of that statement last month. I have no idea how sane people can closely follow politics for decades. I’ve only been paying attention for ten years, and this shit has already gotten too repetitive. Conservatives are assholes. Liberals are pussies. Rinse. Repeat. Then shoot me in the fucking head.

Now onward towards OPTIMISM! As daylight becomes scarce, I turn to the warm, comforting glow of television. There’s a lot more great television than films these days, and I’m having a hard time keeping up. If you missed its run over the summer, check out Louis CK’s Louie on Hulu or DVD as soon as it’s available. I’m also super excited for AMC’s Walking Dead, because I love zombies as long as hipsters and flash mobs aren’t involved.

Of course there’s shitty television too. I will liveblog some of it tonight. A post about that will be coming later today.

New Summer Series

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I love television. It’s having a renaissance while movies have gotten retarded with reboots and squeakquels. But there is still a lot of garbage on TV. Especially in the summer. Wipeout being the first example that comes to mind.

Rookie cops, doctors, and vampires are clogging up my screen and keeping more shows like Party Down, Mad Men, and Breaking Bad from fucking my eyeballs with awesomeness. Screw embryos! What about all the aborted pilots that could’ve grown up to become full-grown series?!

If you like this comic, consider buying some BFW stuff if you’ve got a couple bucks in your pocket. I could use a cable upgrade.

Next Week: Unemployment Spill

The Midnight Ride of Conan O’Brien

Coco’s coming to the Wang Theatre in Boston this weekend, and what better way to celebrate than with a dick joke?

I’ll be at Friday’s show, after lubricating my laugh-hole at The Tam.

And pedantic perverts needn’t bother correcting my spelling of “coming.” Even if I wasn’t going for the double entendre, spelling come with a u is a stylistic choice made by porno graphic designers who are trying to save valuable magazine and DVD cover real estate for close-ups of va-ding-dong-ginas.

Public Disservice Announcements

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I did something similar two years ago. If you’re curious, I usually go to the recurring bit well to get a couple weeks ahead in my cartooning schedule so I can go on vacation.

Unless that Icelandic volcano stops me, I’ll be in London in a week. I’ve already received lots of excellent recommendations for things I should do and see and drink. But I have one more request: What record shops/thrift stores should I hit up to snag some vintage limey vinyl?

To unify that request with this week’s cartoon, here’s a funny old British PSA I found while researching the comic:

Don’t let strangers in your house unless you want your candlesticks to go up their butts!

And yeah, my Orson came out looking a lot like a drunk Mel Gibson. Sorry, sugartits!

Next Week: Great Moments in Commencement Speeches