The Party Bible

*Galatians 5:19-23
19 Now, the effects of the corrupt nature are obvious: illicit sex, perversion, promiscuity, 20 idolatry, drug use, hatred, rivalry, angry outbursts, selfish ambition, conflict, factions, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild partying, and similar things. I’ve told you in the past and I’m telling you again that people who do these kinds of things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the spiritual nature produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There are no laws against things like that.

I never read the entirety of the Bible, but I think whatever version this was lifted from must be hilarious. I’m just imagining the entire text written by a Midwestern junior high health teacher who barely got a 900 on her SATs.

Don’t worry, I haven’t gotten all Bibley on you. The quote’s from a footnote in a hilarious Christian comic about the dangers of rock n’ roll, featuring the satanic rock stylings of Madonna Dahmer.

Here are the other topics available for your ironic enjoyment:

Homosexuality
Pornography (featuring date raping daddy)
The Evils of Safe Sex (and the evils of corny football themed double entendres)
Dr. Death and the truth about Abortion
School Violence
Evolution
Drugs

There’s more at The Truth for Youth, including the evils of Harry Potter, but reading all that shit has made me insanely angry and I had to stop.