Correspondence Vs. The Constitution

click for full comic
Click for entire comic

I’m trying something a bit different this week. A lot of people were just visiting the blog and reading the entire comic that way. That’s fine, but it was hard to read and not in color. Now with an easier to navigate site, I think this approach makes more sense and helps conserve bandwith.

I thought the torture memos would be old news by the time I posted this comic. Lucky for me, the world of shit the Pentagon and Justice Department has created continues to expand like a glorious turd blossom.

The March 2003 memo the first panel is referring to is here. It’s a lengthy PDF file and a tedious read. In short, it attempts to make the argument that all laws and treaties don’t apply to the President’s conduct in the War on the Tactic of Terrorism.

It just seemed absurd to me that some weaselly memo, probably written by one or two unelected assholes with a legal degree, could undermine Constitutional law. That generally requires lots of huffing and puffing from all the branches of government and is so rigorous, awful amendments only sneak through once every hundred years or so.

I got in my American History nerd machine and thought of other situations in time when unimportant correspondence contributed to the undermining of the Constitution.

There’s no real joke in the Lincoln panel. I just think carrier pigeons are funny. They were like primitive Bluetooth technology that could crap on you.

Lincoln really did suspend habeas corpus during the Civil War. Obviously the Civil War was legitimate and unambiguous, unlike our current adventure abroad. But there were still people opposed to it, and not just the ancestors of today’s Confederate reenactors. Lincoln had many of his political opponents rounded up and detained without charges. This was before free speech zones, so their dissenting opinions actually had a chance of being heard and weakening the resolve of the North.

I’d say the ends justified the means, but what if we had let the South go 140 years ago? Slavery was wrong, but let’s not pretend the hundred years following abolition were much better. I’m not a fan of alternate histories, but imagine what things would be like if the Civil War just ended with an “Eff yez all” and the Union split. The North and Canada would probably now be a superpower with universal health care and the South would be exactly like it is today. The only proof I need is any electoral college map.

Again, no real joke in the Harding panel, except for what I believe is the inherent humor in singing telegrams. Before Teapot Dome was a blog, it was a scandal that threatened to take down the Harding administration. As far as I know, Harding could’ve been as dumb as the guy who has his job now. Everything I’ve read about it seems to indicate that he had no idea his friend and Interior Secretary, Albert Fall was involved in shenanigans of Cheney proportions.

Oliver North is a scumbag and needed no correspondence to justify his participation in the many shitty things the Reagan Administration did.

The EPA gag is just a fart joke that I’ve disguised as some kind of political point. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I suppose it depends on you’re opinion of me.

I make fun of nerds and their dweebish hobbies because I envy them. They participate, and even revel in, some really stupid shit and don’t give a shit what any of the normal people think. I salute you, nerds with misplaced self-confidence.

I know Clinton’s imbroglio did involve lying, and that may have been unconstitutional. But I don’t give a shit. I don’t care what moist hole any politician sticks their parts into, even republicans who are into some really freaky shit. But that fucker Jack Ryan deserves all the heat he’s getting for this. He’s had a cameraman following his Democratic opponent, Barack Obama for some time trying to catch a precious nose-picking moment.

In hindsight, I made it way too small. The note on Clinton’s fridge says, “POTUS- 5 sec. rule quaint.” That’s a take on one of the torture memos that called the motherfucking Geneva Conventions quaint. Once you drop the Geneva Conventions, you might as well start using the phrase, “shock troops.”

See what I did with the Condi panel, I took what she said about the “Osama Determined to Attack Within U.S.” memo and made it about the Constitution. I’m so funny. Fart. For a much better joke about the lady who was so nice, they named an oil tanker after her, check out this comic by Tim Kreider.

Also, Mikhaela makes a better point about the torture memos than I do and in a couple hundred fewer words.

Whew! That was a lot of babbling. Next week I take on America’s true enemy, pretty boys.