Month: March 2006

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It’s been a long time since I did a character based nonsense strip. My apologies for making the three people who enjoy them wait so long. I’d do them more frequently, but whenever I write them, they usually end up as sketches or parts get cannibalized and put into spec scripts no one will ever see.

Since this cartoon has absolutely no point, a commentary’s pretty useless. However, I can use this space to repeat some info the folks who subscribe to the weekly (RSS 2.0) update (Atom) feed might’ve missed:

Buy stuff! If you’re fancy enough to have a newsreader, you can certainly afford some of the awesome crap that’s in the store.

Come to my sketch troupe’s show Tuesday night (April 4) at An Tua Nua, at 8:30PM. We’ll be doing some favorites and trying out some new stuff. For just $5, you’ll see two sketch comedy groups, us and Bragging to Children. There are TVs by the bar if you’re worried about missing the Red Sox stink it up with the Rangers.

UPDATE: The music acts cancelled. The only thing I hate more than performing for strangers is performing for no one; so please come. After the show, I’ll be giving away BFW books, and the prop cartoons we use in the show to the first ten people I don’t know who come and mention Big Fat Whale.

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I could’ve just as easily titled this cartoon South Dakota Classrooms, Missouri Classrooms, Mississippi Classrooms, etc., but I’m a sucker for alliteration. Still, this cartoon doesn’t adequately reflect the harsh reality in any of those horrible places.

Not content with just fucking up the lives of their own children, the people of those states have begun to restrict access to birth control, vaccines, and general knowledge to adults they don’t even know. While they’re at it, they should ban seat belts as a means to prevent speeding. Dan Savage tore into the right’s misguided attempt at policing morality at the end of this week’s column.

Not informing kids about safe sex isn’t going to prevent them from having sex. The people who think that are under some delusion that the fear of unwanted pregnancies or STDs is enough to get kids to stop fucking each other. Well, it’s not. What else is there to do out on the prairie? I bet there are parts of the midwest where a herpes outbreak is the most exciting thing that ever happens to someone.

The only way to guarantee your child won’t have sex too early is to raise a homely, socially-awkward child with an intense interest in math and science. Of course, you’d actually have to let science teachers teach science for that to work.

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Happy Evacuation Day everyone! This cartoon is simply the second installment of a cartoon I did last year. But this year I made sure it would coincide with the release of actual mid-season replacements.

And what mind-numbingly awful replacements they are. The most infuriating are all the single-camera sitcoms that are obviously dumbed down versions of Arrested Development, the greatest American comedy of the aughts, as it will come to be known by comedy nerds of the future.

Sure television is a cancerous cesspool that caters to the lowest common denominator, but it is also my best friend. It hurts my feelings when it interrupts our special time together by showing me Ned Holness yelling a pseudo-punchline, or Jim Belushi simply existing.

Love or hate this cartoon, at least give me credit for the kick ass title panel.

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This is what happens when I don’t properly manage my time. Most people won’t admit when they stink up a room, but I certainly did it here. Come back next week. I’ll be good. I promise.

Please ladies, stop putting words on your asses. Assless chaps are more subtle.