Conspiracy Theories of the Far Right

Conspiracy Theories of the Far Right
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Days after I drew this, John Ensign’s adultery scandal was overshadowed by Mark Sanford’s Excellent Adventure down the Appalachian Trail to see his Argentine Special Lady Friend. So feel free to add him into that panel using your MIND POWERS.

If you want even more topical commentary from me, I’ve already said every dicky thing about Farrah Fawcet and Michael Jackson’s deaths that I could think of over on Twitter.

Next Week: Pentagon Fireworks

Father’s Day Gifts

Father's Day Gifts
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Know what else would make a great Father’s Day gift? Big Fat Whale’s Fun Stuff for Dum-Dums! It’s too late to arrive by Father’s Day proper, but your Dad won’t mind. Unless he’s an asshole. And if he is an asshole, you’re probably not going to get him anything anyway.

Bostonish folks: I’m planning something to promote the book in the area. Stay tuned. It’s gonna be fun!*

*Fun only guaranteed for myself.

Next Week: Conspiracy Theories of the Far Right

Oh Yeah, Politics

It’s been quite a while since I opined on political matters, both here and in the comic. That’s because it’s easier to write non-political stuff ahead of time, then post it whenever I get the chance without having to worry about stuff being out-of-date when it goes out to you lovely people.

Now that I’m back in New England for the foreseeable future, I can start to plot out my production schedule and give you more timely politically-themed fart jokes. But for now, he’s a brief rundown of some of the shit I missed.

George Tiller – I hope the douchebag who assassinated him solved all the problems affecting actual people before he began his quest to “save” babies who only exist in the future. Because getting your God-panties in a bunch over a couple fetuses, while ignoring the staggering infant mortality numbers in our own country would be retarded.

Abdulhakim Muhammad – What a fucking moron. Shooting up a military recruiting center in Arkansas? With that name? He probably inspired hundreds of rednecks to enlist. SMOOTH MOVE, ABDULHAKIM!

DOMA – Obama’s being a pussy when it comes to the gay stuff. He should get rid of that and Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell, then say to the homophobes he’s apparently so afraid of, “What?! The world is collapsing around us, and you nosy bitches still want to interfere with the private lives of others? Well, fuck y’all.” Also at the press conference, John Waters will be standing behind him, arms-crossed, and ready to dish out the catty comments to any members of the press who ask stupid questions.

Holocaust Museum Shooting – If you’re a holocaust-denying anti-semite, instead of killing a rent-a-cop, hiring David Copperfield to make the musuem dissappear is a much better way to get your hateful message out there.

Iran – Yowsers! Imagine if one of the candidates was really independent and not some cleric’s flunky. I know there are vast differences, but I’m not going to get excited until those Persian kids get rid of their Shia Pope Overlords. Also, let’s never forget that Andrew Sullivan is a tool who cheerleaded as our country went into the stupidest war ever.

I think that’s everything I missed, except for Susan Boyle.

Budget Summer Vacation Ideas

Budget Summer Vacation Ideas
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Personally, my summer’s looking pretty good. A trip to see some old-timey bear-tainment at Clark’s Trading Post and the demolition derby at the Brockton Fair is all I need to have fun, relaxing times. Which is a good thing, since that’s all I can afford.

Don’t forget, the Big Fat Whale book, Fun Stuff for Dum-Dums is now on sale! Buying a copy is the best way to support this comic strip. Another way is to become one of my henchmen, but that requires eating a bucket of poutine and riding the Zipper for an hour to prove your loyalty to me. Also, you may have to mouth-kiss a carny.

Next Week: Father’s Day Gifts

The ‘X’ in “David X Cohen” Stands for “seXy”

It’s now official. Futurama‘s stint as a half-TV, half-movie, straight to DVD Frankenstein was enough to bring it back to life with a full season order by Comedy Central.

Let us now hold hands and say “Hooray!” in Zoidberg’s voice.

Now to figure out how this obscure alt-weekly cartoonist can get Matt Groening and his head writer to know I exist.

Holy Shit, It’s the Book!

Fun Stuff for Dum-DumsAfter months of waiting, the Big Fat Whale collection Fun Stuff for Dum-Dums is finally here.

Why now? Well, I screwed up my publishing schedule and the cartoon that plugs the shit out of this book is coming out on Friday, rather than next week as I had planned.

I’d look like a giant dummy if folks came to the site wanting to buy the book but were unable to find it.

So here it is! A week early. Of course with printing and shipping, this weekend at MoCCA (I’ll be at table 426) is still your best bet for getting one of the very first copies. Plus I’ll be there to doodle in it for you!

I’m still scrambling to get things ready for MoCCA, but as soon as I return I’ll begin planning an event/signing in the Boston area. Shoot me an email if you have any tips or suggestions.

My apologies for the following sentence, which you’re going to hear a lot around my little slice of the web: PLEASE BUY MY BOOK! With 150 cartoons, the $15.95 price works out to just over 10 cents per cartoon. And with a conservative estimate of 6 jokes per cartoon, that’s less than 2 cents per joke. Do you want to contribute to an economy where a fart joke isn’t worth at least 2 cents? I hope not.

I’ll leave the last word to The Critic‘s Jay Sherman: