A Quagmire to Remember

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It’s been a while since I’ve drawn the ol’ Iraq-PNAC gang, and the official departure of troops from the war that really sucked me into editorial cartooning seemed like a good occasion.

After staring at Cheney’s newly gaunt face, I’m amazed that warmongering fucker outlasted Kim Jong Il. I’m aware there’s not much substance beyond a bunch of (rightfully deserved) name-calling in this cartoon, but once I got the idea of Dubya in a class photo with lasers behind him, I had to will the rest of the comic into existence. And you have to admit, “Office of Special Poops” makes a real classy name for the shitter.

There were already plans to forgo a Sunday Review cartoon on Christmas, so don’t think the Judith Miller swipe in this comic got me shit-canned. If all goes according to plan, there should be another BFW up here on Friday, finally putting the neglected alt-weekly strip back on schedule. There will also be another BFW up on the 30th, since vacations are for folks with lives.

If I knew how to animate my way out of a paper bag, and the copyright stuff wasn’t an issue, I’d try to set this cartoon to the opening credits of Freaks and Geeks.

The Visible Apps of the Free Market

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I’m not against Amazon’s “Price Check” app itself, just the ridiculously dickish promotion to get customers to spy on their brick and mortar competition. I couldn’t find a funny way to work in their uncompetitive tax-dodging ways, but those stink too.

Thankfully “Adopt-A-Pup” doesn’t exist yet, and it doesn’t need to. All the cutest puppies, kittens, bunnies, and every other animal that needs a forever home can be found at Animal Protection Center of Southeastern Massachusetts, APCSM. And if for some reason you can’t adopt a pet now, or live in some part of the world that’s not southeastern Mass, you can always donate some cash, and since they’re a non-profit, it’s a charitable deduction, and you can dodge your own taxes in a totally ethical way!

Rest in War: The Iraq War

Electric Six – Clusterfuck

I started this little comic strip right after 9-11, not for political reasons, but because those attacks made me acknowledge my own mortality. There was no way I was going to spend years in a shitty engineering job, saving up to pursue to my real dreams, only to let some asshole kill me before I got to do any of the shit I actually wanted to do. Sure, it was Al Qaeda who brought that to my attention, but all sorts of assholes can end your life before you even get it started: Cancer, car accidents, wicked-fast adult-onset diabetes, etc. …, so get going, kids!

So I started drawing dumb, poorly-drawn cartoons about jerking-off and eating chicken wings. Simultaneously, America turned into a crazy jingoistic collection of shitheads. First the Afghanistan War, then the totally phony run-up to the Iraq War sparked my latent Massachusetts’ liberalism into full-blown opinionating. But don’t get me wrong; even though I’m now part of it, I still hate the media for the role they played in starting the war they’d rather forget. Occupy is great and all, but WAY more people took to the streets in opposition to that invasion; it just didn’t fit the media’s narrative at the time.

Anyway, that war ended yesterday, to no great fanfare, even though it has provided the political backdrop of my (totally fucked-up, but for unrelated reasons) adult life. And as my generation slowly ossifies into old-folks, I figured I should throw this out onto the Internet before I become an old guy with a mustache who champions wars for no reason at all.

Obviously I’ll never become the Mustache, but if any mall-heirs want to debate the issue, over steaks and shrimp-smoothies (That’s what you richies eat, right?) at the disgusting strip mall you inherited, I’m hungry enough to entertain you.

Here’s a  link to the Electric Six album the above-song came from if you want to buy it.

Crappy Christmas Cards

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Too bad I’m not part-bear, because I’d hibernate through the entirety of this holiday season. But despite my best efforts, I can’t, so here are some goofy cards I quickly whipped up so I wouldn’t drown in eggnog and missed deadlines.

I thought the Tebow panel was ridiculous enough, but reality never ceases to amaze:

I’m a casual Patriots fan, but I’ll be rooting against this Tebow goober extra hard on Sunday.

Order Your New Pet Newt!

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That Gingrinch became the latest front-runner shows how much people loathe Mitt Romney. Gingrich is a petulant dick, something the GOP base loves, but he also has a Washington insider history that’s usually the reason why governors and other “outsiders” get the nomination. I was sixteen when Newt shut down the government, and that was sixteen years ago. Christ, I’m old.

I’m still not counting Willard out, but with just a couple weeks to go before the primaries, I’m not sure how this doesn’t drag out until spring.

Occupy Action Items

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The encampments were/are important symbols, but the underlying message of the fucked-upedness of our financial system that they helped bring to to the forefront of national debate can be kept alive by other means that don’t result in a riot-cop’s boot stomping your face. Of course the suggestions in this cartoon are mostly tongue-in-cheek, but there are more sincere and practical analogs to most of the jokes in here.

One that I especially approve of is a debt strike, the real-life version of putting a negative number on your checks. Banks and corporations have been sitting on cash, refusing to lend and spend in what’s essentially a capital strike. It’s especially bad for the banks, since the money they’re not handing out, (All $8 Trillion or so.) was given to them by the Fed for free. Companies have reasons more than simple greed to hang on to that cash, since there’s no demand for anything they make in our broke country. Except for shitty vampire movies, apparently.

Anyway, the real point of this cartoon is to get you to help Save Community, and maybe, if you have some time after that, fight economic injustice.

Lifestyles of the Stealthily Wealthy

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I read this article about rich people’s tricked out cargo vans in New York City the week before and got inspired for this cartoon. Although not as gaudy as a stretch Hummer, these vans are ridiculous. They can’t even find parking in the city, so the chauffeurs just drive them around until their owners need them.

I can’t for the life of me find any video online, but it’s all very reminiscent of the Chameleon XLE ad from SNL.

Black Friday Bargains

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If you’re shopping on Friday, and it’s not online, but in an actual store, you are a moron. I’ll let my friend August elaborate. If we all practice tantric consuming, and hold onto what little wads we have left in our wallets for as long as possible before bukkake-ing businesses with our hard-earned-dollar-jizz, retailers will really freak out and start offering even better deals. And those fuckers can afford it. Corporations are sitting on billions; it’s our lack of jobs, income, and aggregate demand that’s holding things back.

I’ve owned a Pet Zune for a year now, (It bricked last fall.) and I must really like the Zune software because I now own a Windows Phone. I really do like that phone though. Please refer to this paragraph whenever someone refers to me as a hipster.

I’m probably dating myself with the Nell reference, but it’s one I still frequently use in real life. If you haven’t seen this batshit insane film, I implore you to do so immediately.

Tay ina win, Jodie, Tay ina win.