The Victims of Federally Legalized Pot

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Last week Washington became the first state to legalize recreational use of weed. A similar ballot initiative passed in Colorado and it’ll take effect next month. But pot’s still classified as a Schedule 1 drug in the Controlled Substances Act, and will likely stay that way for a long time.

Weapons in the War for Drugs

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These are desperate times, and despite my disdain for stoner culture, I made this cartoon to coincide with the week of April 20 in a pandering grab for pageviews. Sure, not all stoner entertainment is bad. I enjoy Half Baked and Pineapple Express, and everything Doug Benson does, but they’re the exceptions to the rule. Weed would already be legal if it weren’t for its most vocal advocates. I love beer too, but I don’t prance around brewpubs and Octoberfests in bare feet while twirling devil sticks.

I’m not going to waste your time talking about why marijuana should be legalized. That position has an even wider acceptance than gay marriage, and once the Boomers shit the bed, they’ll both be non-issues.

This is the second comic in a row where ordering a pizza was involved in a panel. I’m sorry. I really like pizza, and I’ve watched this sketch about a million times:

Next Week: Super-Mega-Hyperlocal News

And the Oscar Goes to…

I didn’t see enough of the Oscar contenders this year to have an opinion on who should win. I’ve only watched the stuff that’s out on DVD, and out of that small crop, Inception‘s my favorite.

As for the Best 3D Movie to Watch While High, I think that should go to Piranha, which was actually filmed with 3D cameras, not that blurry 3D conversion cash-in bullshit. But if you remove the 3D requirement, Machete deserves to win. It was by far the funniest movie I’ve seen all year, and probably raised my expectations way too high (Pun-Fun!) for Hobo with a Shotgun.

And yes, I’m still peeved that Oscar-Baitin’! didn’t win any awards last year.

Blizzard Reading Material

Thanks to my narcissistic Google Alert for “Big Fat Whale,” I found this great interview with Mike Flugennock in the Washington City Paper. There’s a lot of great stuff in there, but my favorite quote has to be this:

WCP: What do you do when you’re in a rut or have writer’s block?

MF: There’s really no single thing I do in this situation. Generally, what helps—at least for me—is to just kick back, let go, and not agonize too much. Smoking a bowl and watching Meet The Press (or something like it) also helps; there’s nothing quite being pleasantly blazed while watching a bunch of self-important Washington “insiders” taking themselves far too seriously to break down my writer’s block.

But seriously kids, don’t do drugs. Unless you like fun.

Public Disservice Announcements

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I did something similar two years ago. If you’re curious, I usually go to the recurring bit well to get a couple weeks ahead in my cartooning schedule so I can go on vacation.

Unless that Icelandic volcano stops me, I’ll be in London in a week. I’ve already received lots of excellent recommendations for things I should do and see and drink. But I have one more request: What record shops/thrift stores should I hit up to snag some vintage limey vinyl?

To unify that request with this week’s cartoon, here’s a funny old British PSA I found while researching the comic:

Don’t let strangers in your house unless you want your candlesticks to go up their butts!

And yeah, my Orson came out looking a lot like a drunk Mel Gibson. Sorry, sugartits!

Next Week: Great Moments in Commencement Speeches

7 Steps to a Cooler You

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For those who are unaware, I’m going to crush your blissful bubble of ignorance, and inform you of the existence of the steampunk fad. I argue that they’re even lamer than furries, in that at least furries get off. Steamdudes and dudettes just get a smug pretentious tingle in their nether regions for all their efforts.

If you’re into fancying up all your shit to make it look old timey, you are not a punk. You are a fop. I’ll stop before this turns into a Jeff Foxworthy bit. Chronic masturbators could also benefit from this nomenclature scheme and start calling themselves wankpunks. Then they’d be featured on a popular blog with pictures of the elaborate masturbatory devices they’ve constructed, or hacked, to use the parlance of some enthusiastic nerds. [ed. A joke about Disney World should go here.]

I would’ve busted out an equation proving the Fonzarelli Effect exists, but I’ll just say that it is mitigated by the Screech Quotient when both are factored into the Osmond matrix. So it’s not really worth my time. You can do it for extra credit if you want. But show your work!

For more thoughts on the very important subject of coolness, check out Jen’s strip for this week.

Next Week: Smears, Gaffes, and Laffs