Coming Attractions: Summer 2013

Coming Attractions: Summer 2013

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I took a break from the faux-scandals of the week before the holiday and celebrated the unofficial start of summer. I don’t have a crystal ball, but it’s a safe bet that all of these titles will come up at some point, plus a bunch of silly season stories.

As for real summer blockbusters, I’ve only seen “Star Trek Into Darkness,” and it was okay. I’ll probably see “Man of Steel” too and have the same review. The only 2013 movie I’m really excited about is the Coen brothers’ “Inside Llewyn Davis.”

Help Pad Paddy’s Pockets

My pal and fellow cartoonist John Walsh has just ten days left in the Kickstarter campaign for his graphic novel, Go Home Paddy. It’s 75% funded as of this writing, so any little bit you can contribute will help push it over the finish line. Besides helping the project out, various contribution sizes result in assorted thank-yous including prints and original art.

And it’s not just a story for us Boston micks. Anti-immigrant fervor is still everywhere in this country, although the xenophobes’ ire has shifted from us potato-boilers to brown folks who actually know how to make food that tastes good. You can see for yourself since a huge chunk of the comic has been serialized on its website.

Don’t delay, pledge now!

Undeclared GOP Candidates

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Although I don’t approve, election season has begun. The GOP field is full of hilarious monsters, and after Labor Day, the crazy circus will begin in full.

I promise I have comics in the works about how shitty the Democrats and Obama are, but being funny about a dying economy, endless war, and the normalization of the police state is hard. And I am lazy.

Next Week: The Enlightened Asshole

Anti-Immigrant Stupor

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Even if there weren’t a ton of shitty, under-the-table jobs waiting for them when they get here, illegal immigrants could still find work as scapegoats for everything morons are mad about.

The dumb, angry mobs used to get pissed at the rich and unscrupulous corporations when things went to shit. Now they just get pissed at those who are even poorer and browner than themselves.

Next Week: Tween Beat

“Lion Meat” Scam Alert

I love eating everything Noah decided to put on that crazy ark of his (except for people*, even the dumb religious ones), so naturally this headline caught my eye:

Mesa Restaurant’s Lion Burgers Draw Protests

Awesome, right? Even if it’s in that racist shithole of Arizona, I’d consider making the trip to eat a motherfuckin’ (farm-raised, not wild, mind you) lion. But then I read this:

The lion burgers, which will be mixed with ground beef, will be served with corn and spiced kettle chips. The restaurant will offer a South African wine to complement the $21 dish.

“MIXED WITH GROUND BEEF?!” If I want to eat a stupid cow that couldn’t hunt and kill a gazelle to save its stupid fucking life, I’d go to any ol’ steakhouse. Why not mix the finest whisky with some Budweiser while you’re at it?

Also, corn and spiced kettle chips? Jesus Christ, Arizona. This is what happens when you kick out the only ethnicity in your state who knows how to make side dishes.

*Dolphins, whales, and apes are all people as far as this post is concerned.

Arizona Boycott

Maybe it’s something about spring training that turns states into assholes.

For a state that relies so heavily on tourism, Arizona’s new immigration law is a pretty dumb move. But it’s not unprecedented. As a whole, the US is a giant pain in the ass for tourists, with all the fingerprinting and general “guilty until proven innocent” vibe we give them at customs. Arizona just expanded the hassle to its own citizens, particularly the brown ones.

I’m not going to write much about the “Papers, Please” law since it’s been covered so much this week, but I want to direct you to Matt’s cartoon, which went up within hours of its passing.

I’d boycott Arizona, but I’ve been doing that my entire life without even trying. PF Chang’s, Go Daddy, John “My Friend” McCain? Arizona, quit making garbage so I can boycott you!